The Smart Couple Podcast

In this juicy episode I talk with Alex Allman about men, orgasms and sex. Giving her an orgasm isn’t what you think. Alex helps us get more honest and more present with our sex lives and how crucial it is to have other men in your life to bust your balls when you need it. While this episode is for the men, if you are a woman, I know you’ll appreciate how our guest is trying to help the men dance with you in the bedroom. SHOWNOTES How Alex’s childhood impacted his view of masculinity [5:50] The two types of change [11:10] Why being beautiful and successful early on makes change harder [12:45] What happened when Alex was 39 that forever woke him up. [17:55] Why only loving your partner for their positive traits will make you disappointed. [23:30] The most important thing for a man to get that is so simple yet so complicated. [32:15] How the “doting husband” can be sexually repulsive. [34:15] What to do when you have erection troubles in the bedroom. [43:00]

Love. This word is one of the most commonly misunderstood words in the English language. In this podcast I give my definition of what true love really is. Here I cover the 3 stages of love in a relationship. Before age 30, I never got past stage 1. I think by looking at your own experience you too, will see that it’s time to update your definition of love.  SHOWNOTES The difference between love and infatuation. [3:30] The truth about love songs on the radio. [5:45] What are the three stages of love? [6:37] The huge gifts and power in a long-term relationship. [10:50] Two action steps to get started today [12:40]  

Here I cover 2 types of boundaries. Both are important to learn and practice on a regular basis in your relationship. I also build upon last week’s episode (with Lisa Dion jaysongaddis.com/podcast40). Boundaries separate the classic co-dependent couple from the the smart couple and believe it or not, generate a more fulfilling type of closeness. SHOWNOTES The childhood dynamic that affects our relationships today. [3:27] One powerful reality-check question to ask yourself. [5:34] An example of when betraying yourself hurts both you and the relationship. [7:45] The two types of boundaries [11:05] How boundaries help weed out people in your life that aren’t a fit for the real you. [12:30]

Boundaries are by far one of the most important tools in intimate relationships. How much do you struggle to say no says a lot about how much you value yourself. You must get boundaries if you want to go the distance in a relationship. SHOWNOTES The huge breakthrough insight about boundaries that Lisa shared with Jayson [5:13] The four things our brain is always scanning for to determine there is a threat or challenge [7:24] What is Lisa’s definition of a boundary? [13:20] Jayson and Lisa demonstrate how to set a boundary [16:33] The big fear we all carry in ourselves [20:05] The weakness many of us have in receiving a boundary request [22:02] What are the most common feedback signs our body tells us? [25:50] The three types of boundaries [30:56] Jayson issues a boundary challenge [43:04]

Is love earned or given to you? In this podcast, I explore what happens when people say “Can’t you just love me as I am?” and then hope for a great relationship. And I also talk about the best practice to do every day if you want a thriving relationship that works, not just one you stumble through.  

In this podcast, I interview Decker Cunov, a leader who has deeply impacted how I show up personally and professionally. For over 10 years, he's been one of the pioneers in a fast-growing transformational practice known as "Circling." As usual Decker packs a punch in his own funky style. Pay special attention to our dynamic near the end. SHOWNOTES Why does Decker care about relationships so much? [4:17] What was it like growing up as a sensitive kid. [7:15] What IS “circling”? [11:36] How circling is and isn’t like meditation. [15:05] Why does circling matter in relationships. [15:58] A quick way to play “intersubjective tennis” with your partner. [31:34] Decker breaks down the steps of circling. [23:35] What’s it like to “feel another person” in circling. [29:32] Some of the traps of circling. [33:15] Decker starts circling Jayson [43:36] Jayson’s big aha from circling [50:10] What Decker’s son said that blew him away [52:33] The one thing that Decker said that personally impacted Jayson [57:01]

In this podcast, I interview Satyen and Suzanne, both long-time students of David Deida. These two are super honest, loving individuals, and wow have they been through a lot! There share some very vulnerable details about how they navigated religion, affairs, and fighting. They give you concrete practical tools you can try right now with your partner. These guys live it! SHOWNOTES How did Satyen and Suzanne start caring about relationships? [3:07] Why did Satyen resist marriage? [5:40] What ingredient was the “it” factor for Suzanne’s attraction to Satyen? [6:24] What role did religion play in their relationship? [9:22] How did fighting about food bring them closer? [10:56] What impact did David Deida have on their connection? [13:08] How did they create a new template for their relationship? [14:46] The most challenging period of their relationship [16:42] One really important practice to heal from infidelity [19:54] Satyen and Suzanne demonstrate a powerful tool to express emotional pain to your partner [2

In this one, we answer your question, is polyamory for me? In this eye-opening episode, I interview six people who practice some form of polyamory and open relationships. They share their raw and realistic perspectives on both the potential benefits and challenges of choosing polyamorous relationships. They also help explain the numerous terms that can be confusing for a polyamory beginner. And be sure to listen to the very end where I reveal a big aha on what monogamists can learn from polyamorists! SHOWNOTES What is the difference between poly, open and swinging? [10:25] Why would anyone want to become polyamorous? [15:25] What is the same fear that shows up in both polyamorous and monogamous relationships? [25:45] What is a “second base party? [26:20] Does a primary partner always have to feel like they’re in first place? [28:20] How do you navigate polyamory and parenting? [29:16] What is “veto power” in a polyamorous relationship? [30:35] The pitfalls to avoid and keys to remember when starting out in p

In this fun and enlightening episode, I interview Gaby and Raj, two powerful relationship coaches and teachers with a unique perspective on marriage, conflict and personal growth. They are committed to spreading one message—if you are struggling to have a sense of play, peace or passion in your relationship, it’s not your fault (relationships can be seriously challenging!). And they share how resolving conflict doesn’t have to be so serious or significant. I love how artfully they weave lightness, humor and play into their work with couples. SHOWNOTES What did one guest say at their engagement party that gave them a reality check? [4:50] How did Gaby and Raj get into relationship work? [5:36] One key distinction on how to view struggles in a relationship [8:15] The two things that define a fight [10:10] Three words that can transform a fight in an instant [13:35] Introverted man and extroverted woman [16:50] How to reframe the things you don’t like about your partner [20:03] Why we attract our opposite in a

If you are in a long-term relationship, you’re going get triggered, period. And how you show up in those moments will define whether you grow together or grow apart. In this episode, we dive into an effective process for navigating upset when you’re triggered and how to rock it so you honor yourself and your partner.  SHOWNOTES: What does it mean to be triggered? [1:50] Are you normal if you get triggered by your partner? [3:40] Better questions to ask when you’re triggered. [6:15] What to do when you’re triggered [6:55] The 4 step process for getting centered after a trigger [10:10] The best way to share with your partner after you’ve calmed down [16:40] Why you shouldn’t focus on getting them to change their behavior. [19:44] Review [21:07]

This week, I bring onto the podcast a long-time friend and relationship wizard Joshua Levin, to help me outline a potent relationship tool: sharing impact.  Like many relationship tools, sharing impact is a simple, yet difficult tool to use in relationship. WTF is sharing impact and how can it help you dramatically decrease drama in your relationship? Find out by listening in. This is the first episode in a series on “relationship tools.” This is a new format I’m trying out, so make sure to leave your comments and feedback below. Does this serve you? Do you want more episodes like this? Let me know! SHOWNOTES: Why does Joshua care about relationships? [5:40] Why do we need a tool like “sharing impact” in a long-term partnership? [9:00] What is “sharing impact”? [11:10] By contrast, what do many people do instead of sharing impact? [15:15] Josh shares a personal example of sharing impact [21:05] Jayson and Joshua trade impact back and forth [25:00] What happens after we share impact? [28:00] Josh encourages u

In this lively episode, Bryan Franklin and Jennifer Russell lay bare the inner-workings of their extraordinary relationship. And it truly is extraordinary! Bryan and Jennifer share how they came together and worked to build their relationship from the ground up. We get into specifics and details that I think you will find extremely helpful and enlightening here. Bryan and Jennifer also tease us with a few of their “extraordinary-relationship principles”, the rock-solid foundations of their partnership. If you resonate with the idea of relationship designed to optimize the evolution of each individual, then you will love this episode. Make sure to leave a comment below and let us know your thoughts! SHOWNOTES: Bryan shares a vulnerable realization from his first marriage [4:30] Jennifer shares her own early relationship struggles [8:00] A powerful wedding vow [10:30] Guys: don’t view your partners as “roadies” [12:15] How does Jennifer define intimacy? [15:30] A founding principle of an “extraordinary relatio

If you are the one who chose to get a divorce, or you are thinking about a divorce, than this podcast episode is for you. Divorce is often stigmatized in our culture as bad, wrong, a failure, you name it. But is it really? Isn’t it okay to throw in the towel sometimes? My answer is in this episode, where I talk about 2 reasons why divorce might be, or might have been, a valid decision for you. But be prepared because I also challenge you. Notice if you get defensive and if so, leave a comment below.

Do you know how to listen to an emotional woman? Yikes! This one’s for the men out there (and yes, some women are not great listeners as well, I get that). If you’re anything like me you know it can be hard to listen to your woman. It’s probably in your best interest to sharpen your listening skills in a way that opens her up and softens her.  How do you do that? In 3 simple steps, which I outline in the podcast.  I talk about what it means to FRACK your woman, and why you want to avoid it.  Also I share 3 words to tell your woman so that she feels validated.  Finally, I bring in a great rule of thumb I share with my wife when it comes to listening and understanding her. You’ll want to hear this one, as it was a game-changer for our whole relationship.  Make sure to leave a comment or any questions you have below!

This episode was a lot of fun.  Former dedicated David Deida student Adam Gilad brings some excellent advice during this dialogue. We cover fatherhood, dating, marriage, and why Adam couldn’t do relationship early on and what he “figured out” along the way. He also shares his most recent wedding vows and so much more. I think you’re in for a treat here.  SHOWNOTES: What lead Adam to teach about relationship? [3:55] A personal share from Jayson: re-writing marriage vows [12:30] The #1 thing that made Adam ready for deep relationship [13:40] Adam shares his “one vow to rule them all” [15:55] Reframe: the idea of marriage as “hard work” [18:10] Playing the infinite game of love [25:10] Why do people hold back on asking for what they need/want in relationship? [25:10] The difference between finding and inspiring love [29:25] The 3 ways to inspire love  [33:20] Adam’s answer to inspired marriages [43:15] Adam brings a vulnerable share [44:55] Jayson and Adam swap stories of being a father [47:40]

In this 2nd installment of AMAR (Ask Me Anything about Relationships) I dive into your burning questions and it gets a little intense in there! Thanks for bringing it everyone! SHOWNOTES: There’s a lot of great questions in here including: How to relate to someone who’s depressed [5:30] How to find a great marriage counselor [17:45] How to get over years of resentments [26:35] What to do if someone is passive aggressive with you [34:25] And more!

This is a pretty charged issue. On the one hand, some people really believe divorce is one of the major culprits to kid’s problems. On the other hand, newer research suggests that kids are fine coming from divorced families, and in fact may even be more resilient and capable of handling life’s challenges. If you really think divorce is going to mess up your kids, think again…Listen in, then weigh in with a comment below. SHOWNOTES: The erroneous assumption that comes along with divorce statistics [3:00] What is the real issue here? [8:10] The problem with divorce/marriage research [11:45] What I suggest you do if you are in a dead marriage [15:15] Relationship tools to use if you want to avoid divorce [17:20]

Co-dependency gets a bad rap in most circles. I used to shame it as well. Yet, as I’ve matured, I’ve come to see that there is a lot of value to be found in co-dependency, yet it’s important to know the difference between the more neurotic kind and the wisdom kind. In this episode I go into what co-dependency is, where it comes from, and how we can relate to it with grace and honesty in our long-term relationships. SHOWNOTES: How does Jayson define co-dependency? [1:30] Our two fundamental drives as human beings [3:40] The dance of authentic co-dependency [12:00] What’s cool about the drive to be authentic… [17:00]

“I love you, but I’m not in love with you…”  Maybe you’ve heard this one before, or even said it yourself to someone you were breaking up with? I know I have in past relationships. If you’ve used this statement, or been on the receiving end of it, you need to listen to this podcast. There’s much more to the story. Find out by listening in… SHOWNOTES: A common statement in relationship, but the real meaning behind it [1:50] A more honest statement to use instead [5:15] What is supposed to happen in a real relationship? [11:30] What happens when we don’t learn how to love [13:45]    

This episode was a lot of fun. Terry Real brings the heat for women and men using what he calls “fierce intimacy.” While this episode is for both men and women, it is largely geared toward women who are with a guy who’s not fully on board. He has some great advice for women, while at the same time challenges men to develop their relationship skills. I know you’ll dig this one. SHOWNOTES: Beginning of interview [4:30] Terry shares how he came to be interested in relationship work [5:00] What is “fierce intimacy”? [7:20] The difference between a good man and a great man [12:30] Advice for young millennial men [15:00] What Terry says to women who are frustrated with their men [19:30] A lot of men who wont do the work for themselves or for the marriage, will get it and rise to the occasion for the sake of… [23:00] 3 key steps for women to work with their shutdown men (this is very good) [26:00] Should women reward their man’s effort with sex? [32:45] The design flaw in the way most therapists do therapy [40:10]