First Timers

This week’s Honda Odyssey infomercial covers snow qualms, diarrhea volcanoes and “Lansberry’ing.” Also: An Alicia Keyes approved rendition of “Ass on Fire.”

Both ladies whip their ladies out: Angie while watching football, Julie while watching Evie eat ice cream. Plus: Julie receives a visit from an assistant Duchess, Angie admits to murder and future Fear Factor: Baby Edition contestant Max drinks soapy milk without hesitation.  

Will Julie survive a version and C-section only to be undone by her own poop? Is newborn parenting easier with a toddler in tow? Has Ayla broken not only a family record, but also a world record with her day twelve feat of infant strength? Tune in for all this and more!

Angie's husband Sam takes time away from WWE and raising a genius/super athlete to fill in as co-host. Topics include the flea freak out of '15, waiting on baited breath for Max's breath and when The Amazing Race was amazing. If you found Sam amusing be sure check out his popular comedy blog 11points.com!

TV troubles abound! Julie is off bed rest, but can’t peel Evie away from YouTube toy videos. Meanwhile, Angie would love Max to sit still for just a smidge of Baby Einstein but the only one entertained is grandpa. Both gals are jealous: Angie of an always-put-together mom and Julie of a vet mom whose feathers can’t be ruffled.

Comedian Alicia Carlson visits the closet to discuss dating as a single mom, navigating preschool FOMO and handling tub turds without psychologically damaging your child in the process. For more on Alicia, check out her website http://aliciacarlsoncomedy.com or follow her on Twitter @aliciacomic! 

Guest Eve Sturges talks about momming pre social media and ruining her teenager’s social life. Angie fears the day Sweet Max becomes Mad Max, while Julie, based on her own adolescent curiosity, worries about today’s too-easy access to pornography. For more on LA-based writer/therapist Eve, visit: http://evesturges.la 

Unlike Angie, who would have liked an epidural upon conception, or Julie, who played medicinal intervention by ear, guest Erin was hell-bent on a drug-free birth and succeeded not once, but twice. Also: Is labor like running a marathon? Does anyone want to invest in Angie’s ice cream shop? Are low expectations the key to happiness? For more about Erin and her yoga/wellness studio, visit www.happybabyla.com *Please excuse the audio hiccup just before the nine minute mark. We think the closet ghost is back.

If the prenatal chiropractor can't flip Julie's baby, Evie is prepared to perform a last ditch crotch beckoning. Max's emotions run high--is he already stressing about the two-footed jump milestone? 

Julie thinks bed rest with a toddler should be a form of capital punishment. Angie performs slight of hand so Max will eat his yogurt, not HER yogurt … because it’s HER yogurt, dammit! Max’s food pouch painting and Evie’s gratuitous crying send both moms past their breaking points.

Max’s $20, ocean-view daycare is a success. Evie water boards Julie. The moms talk first solid foods, covering hot topics like Baby Linguini, DIY puree failures and the benefits of avocado hair.

Full-time working mom Jesse visits the closet. Her post-baby self hates her pre-baby self for committing to a big assignment right upon her return. Meanwhile, Angie pumps under a bathroom counter and Julie feels like a changed woman on an unchanged project. In the end, everyone feels guilty.

Max briefly waddles before walking like a pro; Evie tries to break the earliest biped record. Angie needs audience assistance: what should she call her baby’s balls? Julie, meanwhile, has planted a flag on Planet Vagina.

In another—less disgusting—First Timers first, a man visits the closet. While his lack of yoga pants may be detrimental when navigating playground politics, stay at home dad Matt proves he’s top dog in bathroom birthing.  

Julie’s first babysitter starts off—and continues—on the wrong foot. Angie leaves Max at her gym’s daycare with mixed but ultimately positive results. Special bonus: Scout helps the moms achieve what they believe to be a (disgusting) podcasting first!

Did you know that in addition to tying tubes they now cut them? Neither did we! Max’s eye growth and Evie’s high fever pale in comparison to guest Sharon’s son’s skull surgery at five months old. Also, Julie almost ruins a birthday party with her pregnant tears. Start 2017 off right by donating to http://craniocarebears.org/

A very special guest visits the closet to serenade us with “Twinkle Twinkle” and share her thoughts on the technological needs of a newborn baby. Later, Angie advocates for scheduled sex, while Julie suggests a little herbal intervention.   

Angie's first postpartum 5k is threatened by flat stroller tires and an impatient toddler who refuses to follow the race route. Back in the closet, Angie laments her deflated boobs and Julie wishes she'd plaster casted her pre-baby body.  

Evie pleads for a permanent bindi and the moms contemplate a hot handyman happy hour during this week’s catch up sesh. Then, Angie describes a pal who was all talk and no walk, while Julie mourns a friend whose life was too busy for baby.  

Angie’s family visits, including an aunt she hasn’t seen in two years. Evie marks her territory, at home and elsewhere. Julie recounts her days as a colic pro and Angie saves a breastfeeding rookie from sanitizing insanity.