Movie Mastery

Martin Sheen has a little brother and he apparently was cursed by a witch to never be able to turn down a movie. And boy does this technically, barely count as a movie. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A movie that makes fun of the hypocrisy of the Christian faith's message and the actions their followers take. Definitely not going to get in trouble for anything we say during this one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I fucked up and made Jef watch a halfway decent movie from the Halloween series instead of one of the absolute trash ones that come before and after this one. My apologies to the audience. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A movie that takes itself far too seriously given that it is on the level of Underworld fan fiction. Maybe lean into the fact that your story is goofy as fuck. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The story of Aladdin as a musical brought to you by Disney. Not the animated classic, the live action one. No, not the new live action one, the one from 1990. Yeah, the shitty one. That one.

It’s Horrortoberfest and that means I get to force Jef to watch a dumb horror movie and I timed this one to coincide with one of the worst franchise horror films around. Aint I a stinker?

A sequel of sorts to the excellent A Goofy Movie, this film sees Max going off to college. This is such a big life change that the characters all seem to suddenly stop acting like they used to and mostly being unlikable idiots/assholes.

Part of the larger “Roger Corman goes to Argentina” Cinematic Universe. Just be aware, this one has a lot of rape in it and is deeply uncomfortable to watch.

Netflix’s first attempt at making a blockbuster film is mostly fantasy racism and copaganda set in a world where they didn’t spend more than minute thinking about world building and the implications of the setting.

The movie that fools you twice. Once by making you assume there is going to be way too much Chris Kattan when he’s hardly in it and then fooling you again by making it so that Chris Kattan is actually the best part of the movie.

This movie has famously been mocked for being awful ever since it first came out and was nominated for two different bad movie awards. But, does it deserve the hate or is there something here worth watching? Let’s find out together, shall we?

What starts out seeming like a standard Hulk Hogan action movie, quickly devolves into a strange, dreamlike comedy with cartoonish characters and a nonsensical plot.

We aren’t reviewing Morbius (yet) but how about another movie that decided to try to lean into the memes and then didn’t make any money because it turns out memes aren’t actually worth anything.

When you adapt a manga or anime into live action, only good things can happen. And what could be more exciting than watching someone drive the exact same route 7 times without losing?

In the vein of A Talking Cat, a celebrity really phones it in while voicing an animal but this movie had the budget to also badly CGI the animal doing karate.

Follow the thrilling escapades of John Canyon as he coerces a girl to marry him for a ride and then be chilled by the worst thing that poor Charles Dance has had to do on screen.

In the near future, two rival gangs fight for control of Frasier Park, CA by playing a knock-off version of Dance Dance Revolution but mostly just say the N-word a lot.

One of the few actually decent DreamWorks animated films but it still can’t escape the dreaded “all the characters dance” ending.

In what I can only describe as one of the worst movies that we have ever seen; Jenny McCarthy takes some time off from spreading misinformation about vaccines to write and star in a humorless “comedy” where everyone sucks and nobody learns anything.

Thrill as a very large but not kaiju-sized crocodile harmlessly wanders around the Chinese countryside causing some mild panic and light property damage.