How To Be A Person

Actor, writer, DJ and overall cool person Mel Shimkovitz teaches us how to be cool, how to cheat the system, how to be a great wingman, how to own land, how to write plays for yourself, how to recycle, how to be an enemy of the Westboro Baptist Church, how to live in Europe, how to queer gender norms, and how to sell your tampons for 50 bucks a pop. Then Drucker tells a hilarious story about getting pantsed in middle school. 

Comedy writer Dicky Eagan (Late Late Show, Tonight Show) teaches us how to hate Boston people less, how to talk to Larry David, how to go from Emerson to Hollywood, how to stay employed in television for over two decades, how to be a PA for "Roseanne," how to write for a late night show, how to be back at work a week after having your femur sawed off, and how to be the biggest Patriots fan on earth. Then Dicky fails miserably at a game of Tom Brady trivia. And, yes, "Dicky" is his real name!

World-famous bartender Erick Castro teaches us how to travel the world making drinks and judging booze, how to tell the difference between whiskeys, how to use bitters, how to tell the difference between a good and a bad craft cocktail, how to handle a drunk person crapping themselves, and how to make the perfect Old Fashioned. Then he tells us the perfect mixed drink for each of us. Drucker's is as sad as he is! As always, if you like our show, please subscribe and review us on iTunes. Also donate to our Patreon at Patreon.com/howtobeaperson.

"Whitest Kids U' Know" co-founder and comedian Sam Brown teaches us how to catch some gnarly waves, how to start a successful sketch comedy group, how to create your own TV show, how to deal with the Sandwich Police, how to tell the difference between Hitler and Charlie Chaplin, how to get an unfortunate Elvis tattoo, and how to stand up on a surfboard. Then we play "Name It," where we make Sam come up with sketch group names for random things. As always, if you like our show, please like, subscribe, and review us. It really helps people find us. Also donate to our Patreon at Patreon.com/howtobeaperson.

Filmmaker and former NFL player Matthew A. Cherry teaches us how to make a movie, how to work with Beyoncé, how to get drafted by the NFL, how to make more money as a television PA than as a pro football player, how to get a film into SXSW, how to fund a project, and how to be inspired by a bad Uber ride. Then we play Movie Pong and talk about Denzel Washington's greatest movie, "Virtuosity." Also, please subscribe and review our podcast, and contribute to our Patreon at patreon.com/howtobeaperson.  

In another special episode, Drucker and Dweck spend Valentine's Day together alone and learn how to rename the holiday, how to try (and fail) to not talk about politics, how to do a bad Young Pope impression, and how to compare Adele and Beyonce. As usual, please subscribe and review us on iTunes. It really helps people find us. Also, please contribute to our Patreon at Patreon.com/howtobeaperson.

Comedy writer Rob Sheridan teaches us how to be a true Canuck, how to write for Canadian TV, how to work with Jeff Goldblum, how to use your anger for good, how to move to America, how to be a green card-holder in the age of Trump, how to watch hockey without liking hockey, and how to properly clean out your eavestrough. Then we play "Alt Wrong," where Rob gives us alternate names for current TV shows. Also, please subscribe and review us on iTunes. Really helps people find our show. And donate to our Patreon at Patreon.com/howtobeaperson. Also, please watch every show on Netflix!

Comedian Lisa Curry teaches us how to not get trampled by bulls in Pamplona, how to survive Indiana, how to talk like Donald Trump, how to deal with harassment online, how to be a literal motherf***er, how to start comedy with improv, how to be deported from Ireland, and how to deal with the constant torrent of nightmare news. Then we play a game of "Name That Curry," where Lisa names every person with her last name. Ever. All of them. As usual, please subscribe to our podcast and review us on iTunes. Really helps us out! And donate to our Patreon at patreon.com/howtobeaperson.  

Comedian Sean Keane teaches us how to cook on an extremely low budget, how to be Irish but dislike Ireland, how to be an expert on dinosaurs, how to write a play about a trash monster, how to share a name with a famous rollerblader and Irish singer, how to start out in comedy in San Francisco, how to not kill yourself, how to cut an onion without crying, and most importantly, how to be a Tunnel Tiger. Then we play a game of "Sing That Song," where we challenge comedian Sean Keane to sing the songs of Irish singer Sean Keane, even though he is not a singer and does not know the songs. This might be our best game ever. As usual, if you like our show, please subscribe and review us on iTunes. Also contribute to our Patreon at www.patreon.com/howtobeaperson!

"Arrested Development" and "Silicon Valley" writer John Levenstein teaches us how to get started as a comedy writer in the '80s and '90s, how to work with strong personalities, how to almost become a therapist, how to write for award-winning shows and a Monkee, how to work with Jack Handey, how to ruin comedy with rules, how to survive in different comedy eras, and how to play a judge on TV. Then we play a game of "What's It About?" where we name real TV shows that John isn't watching and see if he can guess what they're about just based on the title. It's mostly crime-fighting doctors. As always, please review us on iTunes if you like the podcast and contribute to our Patreon at www.patreon.com/howtobeaperson to help us keep this thing ad free!

Comedy writer and performer Lauren Reeves teaches us how to pan for gold, how to grow up in Alaska, how to stumble into becoming a local news anchor, how to travel with a prince, how to almost go to Mars, how to go digging for woolly mammoth bones, how to rock a sluice box, and how to be the world's worst lifeguard. Then we play a game of "Know Your Gold," where Lauren has to guess which famous people are named Goldberg, Goldstein, or Goldman. Dweck came up with this, so it's not weird. It's weird.

Co-host Jess Dweck returns from her solo trip to Cuba and teaches Mike how to survive a trip to Cuba despite not speaking Spanish, having limited wifi access, and generally making all the wrong decisions.*Disclaimer* Even though this episode is called "How To Travel To Cuba," we make no guarantees of the safety or legality of anything discussed on this podcast. Jess is just talking about her own experience. Make travel plans at your own risk!  

We've taken a week off but we'll be back next week to learn about Jess' trip to Cuba!

Comedian Virginia Jones teaches us how to counteract negative energy, how to get anyone to like you, how to follow someone to another city, how to attend a comedy party, how to start fights on the street, and how to work for Nike. Plus, we play a game of, "What Do You Say to Them?" in which Virginia tells us what she'd say to diffuse any situation.

Comedian and writer Solomon Georgio teaches us how to manipulate people into doing your bidding, how to have a Christmas porn name, how to immigrate to America from Sudan, how to take apart "It's A Wonderful Life," how to have an American Christmas with immigrant parents, how to catch your dad cheating on your mom, how to pump gas, how to make neck farts, and how to do the world's worst Halle Berry impression. Then we play "Asking for It,"  where we find out what Solomon would ask of Anne Hathaway and Donald Trump.  

Comedian and writer Talia Jane teaches us how to become internet infamous, how to publicly quit a job,  how to ease out of a crush, how to not hate millennials, how to solve economic inequality, how to fart in front of a partner, and how to enjoy the disturbing love letters of James Joyce. Then we quiz Talia and find out how to handle the worst possible situations with your crush.  

"Adam Ruins Everything" host Adam Conover teaches us the secret to self-improvement, how to grow up with scientist parents, how to be a little bit vegan, how to accidentally create a TV show idea, how to be jealous of Ronan Farrow, how to quit smoking, and how to wear nail polish as a man without being goth. Then we run out of time before we can play a game, but you're getting some good advice here, and we barely talked about the election. Progress!

Comedian and writer Joseph Scrimshaw teaches us how to watch Doctor Who without hating it, how to still deal with the election, how to live dat #nerdlyfe, how to create new Mountain Dew flavors, how to make a living out of fandom, how to fart on command, how to properly address a Time Lord, how to play VR bar sports, how to come up with Star Wars sequel names, and most importantly, how to tell the difference between a geek, a nerd, and a dweeb.

"Bill Nye Saves the World" and "No, You Shut Up" writer CeCe Pleasants teaches us how to make perfectly crispy chicken, how to spend an entire podcast talking about the election, how to be a loser, how to be in secret Hillary Clinton Facebook groups, how to not engage with conservative family members, how to be in musicals, and how to talk even more about the election. Sorry for talking so much about the election, but here we go!  

In an episode recorded BEFORE the election, Nerdist writer and director Ben Mekler teaches us how to make the perfect vacation itinerary, how to get the F out of Florida, how to get through film school and get started in Hollywood, how to work for Pauly Shore, how to buy a house, and how to put a pack of wolves to good use. Then we play a game called "Maximizing Life," where we get dark and deep. But it was before the election so it was pretty chill.