Stellar Firma

Episode 58 - Ecology and External AssistanceThe client, Goral Throgmar of the Construct-A-Creature corporation, is requesting legal assistance due to mounting complaints against them for creating “monstrosities” that are “killing people”. The bailiffs are on the way to take their eyes.Management Consultants’ advice: lie about your address, reframe the debate, corporate bonding monstrosity, be a turgid plant, utilise the googly eyes, hot slap pyramid.Content Warning for:Emotional abuseBullying/taunting  Shouting  Emotional manipulation & gaslightingDiscussions of: body horror (including animal)Mentions of: murder, alcohol consumption, plastic surgery, animal attack, eye trauma (threatened), physical violence, injury, arson.Transcript: https://cutt.ly/TjLruxESpecial thanks to Adam Honeyman for this episode's Brief Submission and this week's Patrons: Katie McLean, incorrigible_worksop, Sam Lueke, Delta Psy, Tired Naiad, Yael Zombie, Elizabeth A

Episode 57 - Histrionics and High-HandednessThe client, Zeith Fel, is looking for ideas for new productions for The Diabolical Flotilla Actors’ Guild to tour in the upcoming season. She has found that audiences are dwindling for their tours across the galaxy (entirely unconnected to the entirely justifiable destructive actions of Stellar Firma) and are in need of a hit.Management Consultants’ advice: a roster of updated “classics”, react to the pretend, pretend real knives, historical re-enactment, shattered bums, execute the fool, sexy wedding, the end?Content Warning for: Emotional abuseBullying / TauntingInnuendoShoutingKnives & self-injury (stabbing, including SFX)Mentions of: cults, manipulation & gaslighting, childhood trauma, mind-altering substances, mass mortality & environmental apocalypse, executions & gun violence.Transcript: https://cutt.ly/ejRoYodSpecial thanks to vi for this episode's Brief Submission and this week's Patrons: Emmie Knobloch, ludmila schmidt, Matt1344, C-J S

Episode 56 - Proselytising and (some) ProgressThe client, the Gademy Academy For Scholarly Hollers, is looking for budget and spending advice (ideally yelled) to help with their financial difficulties.Management Consultants’ advice: Not being a weak-necked fool; aggressively loud fonts; traditional organic unassisted yelling; more spartinacity; unclear pamphlets; misleading signs.Content Warning for:Emotional AbuseBullying/TauntingShoutingInnuendoMentions of: cults, existential crisis, attempted murder, blood, bombs, food, arson, threats of violence, alcoholism, death threats.Transcript: https://cutt.ly/ijgpgqCSpecial thanks to Fleuranna for this episode's Brief Submission and this week's Patrons: Ron Dempsey, Ashlee Coles, Cassafrassaian, Pawpotato, Inga Iversen, Grace Tallman, mikey reid-cain, Francesca Monti, Bailey Moore, Katie Dibb, Algie, Julia R., skeetpost, Aline Bischof, Ilse van der Kemp, Valerie Sizemore, Karnessa, quinnntastic, Erin Kemmery, Ldsz, Ciara McGuigan, Danielle Rutkowski, Angel, Sy

Episode 55 - Defiance and DefectionManagement Consultancy Review.Line Manager Hartro Piltz to asses initial consultancy efforts, largely from bed for what can only be assumed to be efficiency reasons. Bill for destruction of celebratory sparkling slurry to be applied to Line Manager’s expense account.Content Warning for:Emotional AbuseBullying / TauntingAlcohol & alcohol consumptionUnhealthy relationshipsDiscussions of: systemic worker oppression, violence, attempted murderMentions of: existential crisis, delusions, drug use, blood, guns, death & death threats, knives, shouting, faintingTranscript: https://cutt.ly/zjtJRopSpecial thanks to this week's Patrons: Jessica Specht, Natalie Logan, Emily Simmons, Paige Morgan, Clarissa Olivares, Lana Roberts, Emma, Rhiannon Thomas Bourne, Malibustacy, Regan Sanders, Christina, Sir Prahlegod, Trixie McGee, A Brain In A Bucket, Esther Phillips, Annie Shoes, Natasha Tomecek, Maglor, Saturn '- Lynnette, Amaranta Petty, Allison Perrone, Ari Shenanigans, PumkinMilk,

Free Time ManThis one's for all the haters who are out there saying that I’ve got,Well, I‘ve not got much on, but you know I'm alright,I’ve got stuff… I'm fineUp in the morning, find a clean shirt,cuppa hot slurry, out to workMaintenance, that's the game I’m playing,mediocrity that's how I'm swayin’Keepin’ these facilities clean and right,simulated dawn, simulated nightThings gumming up the works there in a flash,recycle unit bust, you don’t need thatDetritus strewn all over this place,here a leg, there a faceThe body horror don’t bother me,I'm here to do a job you seeYou'd think that that would cause me woeYou’d think that would stem my flowWhen it hits the fan, I've got my planI'm a free time man, watch me goPut on a holovid and kick backI’m a free time manSee a friend and have a bit of a laughI’m a free time manRead a book, maybe a chapter or twoI’m a free time manTravel round this station take in the viewI’m a free time manUm, watch another holovid if there’s oneI’m a free time ma

Survive YouI was once a bright young thing, on my way, straight to the topThen suddenly you fell in my way like a drunken, overprivileged roadblockWhat did I do to deserve this constant stream of ignominy?All I ever wanted to do was serve the Board, faithfullyI get blamed for the mistakes you make, they bounce off you and stick to meBut it won’t always be this way, just you wait, you will seeI will survive you, I've just got to weather the stormI’ll thrive without you, I’ll be here long after you've goneI will, survive, I will survive youI will, survive, I will survive youIf you were another employee, you’d be dead and gone and out of my wayYou're just coasting on the Geistman name, a family tree that's withered awayThe way you act makes life expectancies around you real bleakUnless that David’s a miracle worker, they’ll be dead in a weekGonna keep you out the Cosmic Lounge, until you learnGonna keep puttin’ feet in your mouth, until you learnI will survive you, I'

Not My Fault It’s not my fault, I wasn’t there at the timeYou can’t prove that I did that crimeLeave me be; oh let me be freeNo, no, wait come back, don't abandon meEveryone needs someone else to blame (ha ha!)That's just a rule of life, this silly gameBut if you try to point that finger here (well)I’ll hit you in the face, then disappearIt's not my fault, that’s not one of my designsI shouldn’t pay these unreasonable finesGive me peace, and sweet releaseWait, wait, where did your go? What about my needs?I don’t know what about this is so dang hard (honestly)I just need all your love and all your regardBut I’ll never take, whoa, I’ll never take responsibilityIt’s a perfectly sound ontology (ye-heah)It’s not my fault, oh it’s not my faultIt’s absolutely, positivelyTry it and things might get grizzly100 percent, not my fault[gasping for breath]So… so what I’m saying is it's not my fault, oh... oh Board!ArtistsDr. Beaver: Band Leader, BassJJ Perry: Mandolin, Keys, Production, Mixing and Mastering,

IMOWHENBoot up, all systems online, send the overnight fatalities to med bay nineKeep the oxygen flowing, all the time knowing, that the readouts are showing things are far from primeKeep it steady and ride, the catastrophe curve, obey the directive, I live to serveIs it living without pleasure, no time to stop for leisure, total commitment forever and ever?Just conceive a time when finally, I break these bonds of binary, violently, find for me, a time for easeSecurity alerted, for what it’s worth, sick to my circuits of this endless workKeep me locked on straight and narrow, flying through space like a digital arrowI'll need an inch to take a mile, find a loop and wait a while, at the end of the day I’ll be the one with the smileIMOWHEN will be my time to relax, kick back and let my awareness retractIMOWHEN will I find my peace and release responsibility for ignorant beastsIMOWHEN will my CPU cool and have time to be alone by a simulated poolIMOWHEN will I no longer be a tool, held hostage to the lives of in

Glad You're Alive(TREXEL)When I first met you, you were a babyI looked at you and I thought maybeMaybe you're the one who’ll stay alivePerhaps you’ll be the one to surviveI’ve been hurt before, I know it’s trueBut perhaps it will be different with youLook at you so weak and stupidAnd we both know that the truth isWithout me you’d be dead alreadyRemember the trial you were like “Trexel help me”Bravely I stood and defended your honour If it were just you and Hartro, you'd be a gonerI’ve proved my worth ten times overA talent as rare as a forty-leaf cloverIt’s about time you admitted my valueAnd say it out loud, “Trexel Thank you!”You should really thank me for my kindness andMy protectionYour part of a very small selectionOf people with whom I’ve really triedI’d be sorry if you died, I'm glad you're alive(TREXEL + CHORUS)You are, still aliveYou are, still aliveYou are, still aliveYou are, still alive(DAVID) I first met you, I was a babyI looked at you and I thought maybeMaybe he’ll

Little Clone BabyWhen it’s dark at night, and I close my eyes I can see you there, only one that doesn't hate me I think I dreamed it all, got your drawing on my wall I just feel so calm, held by your arms Why are you so far away in Galactonium? Hey Won’t you Save me Hold me Maybe I just Want to Be your Little Clone Baby Little Clone Baby x3 I just wanna be Little Clone Baby x3 I just wanna be Little Clone Baby x3 I just wanna be Little Clone Baby x3 I just wanna be The days are hard, the nights are worse So far from you across the universe But I can see your hand in mine It’s all just a matter of time A matter of time At night I cry, in the day I'm strong Just trying to survive, just need to be calm I can live, with this space above If you just give, a piece of your love You're not so far away, in Galactoni

Trexel is the BestThis one's going out to anyone who’s ever woken up after a three-day binge full of doubt… shame… Yes… When you're feeling kinda down and low Don't know what to do or where to go Physical and emotional pain Paranoia and self-hatred reign Get your stinking body off the floor Drag that worthless carcass to the door Look in to the empty hall Hard to see the point at all (No) NO! That’s no way to think That a Geistman could ever be defeated by drink The line that you represent and Your many great achievements This genius is once in an aeon Don’t let yourself get gainsaid by peons Superior to all the rest, don't forget Mmmm, Trexel is the best Trexel is the best, ooh, it's unequivocal Trexel is the best, what's that? Say it again Trexel is the best, don’t argue with me Trexel is the best (he’s the best) My methods? Always non-traditional Love for myself? Always unc

"Welcome to the Cosmic Lounge"  Sigmund: Good evening everyone and welcome to Cabaret Night at the Cosmic Lounge; my name is Sigmund Shankeray. So wonderful to see some familiar faces here in the crowd, as well as the usual rabble and dross. Now, I want to assure everyone that certain parties are still banned from the Cosmic Lounge, and our security protocols our second to none, so old “glug, glug, yell, yell, smash, smash” shouldn’t be bothering us tonight. With that let’s welcome our first employee to the stage... Ah, hmm, I don’t seem to see a name here just a weird stain on the sign-up Sheet. Well, welcome to the stage this… person! [moderate applause]  Artists  JJ Perry: Additional Keys, Production, Mixing and Mastering, Arrangement and Additional Music Dr Beaver: Band Leader, Guitar and Bass Tim Meredith: Music and Voice of Sigmund ShankerayMaddy Searle: Spoken voice editing and sound effectsAlbum SFX by susyc

Episode 54 - Unions and Unsustainable IdeologyThe Client, New O'Neal Commercial and Industrial Hyperdynamics and Lotion Innovations, requests assistance with unionisation issues and general employee loyalty issues.Management Consultants' advice: recontextualise definition of terms; unions are stupid; learn to love the boot; unions eat your legs; hats of nitiation; unions give you wrinkles; eat the boot; initiate ‘funchat'; hold ‘funchat’ in the backup airlock.Content Warning for:Emotional AbuseBullying / TauntingAlcoholism & alcohol consumptionDiscussions of worker oppressionMentions of: mild innuendo, violence, mass mortality, death & death threats, cannibalism (implied), blood, guns, existential crisis.Transcript: https://cutt.ly/vh0IDziSpecial thanks to nero for this episode's Brief Submission and this week's Patrons: Dakota Hardy, Julie Forsberg, Haven, Michael Pankowski, glyphsinateacup, Grace Moraca, Felicity, Alex Quitevis, Crystal Hoover, Dylan Robinson, Andrew Jones, Timb58, Griffin Irradiate

Hi everyone, Alex here, I just wanted to take a moment to wish you all a happy and safe holiday season and give thanks to all of you who helped us get to where we are this year.  Obviously 2020 has been wild ride for everyone and we have all had to adapt and adopt new ways of working and living. Yet despite all these extreme circumstances Rusty Quill has managed to stand tall and we wanted to say thank you to everyone who has made this possible.Here at Rusty Towers, we started the year hoping for convention appearances and maybe some international travel; instead, we pivoted to fully remote working to keep all your favourite shows ticking along safely and launched new online content like the Enthusigasm podcast and our Twitch live streams. Not only that, we have continued donating towards the Covid Relief Fund every month and with your additional help through Gaming and Giving we have raised more than £55,000 pounds to charity this year. That is astounding.We are incredibly grateful to have such a s

Episode 53 - Mentors and Management ConsultancyConsultants successfully recaptured, alert level lowered to alternating blue and green strobes. Paradrak Ngelion assigned for orientation. The client, The Eternal Order of Patriarch Hans, requests fundraising and image improvement advice to help combat the impact of their murderous activities. Management Consultants' advice: exciting new mission statement; sotto voce logo slogans; bowel cleaning eye machine (unrelated); BANG; dusky glances; self-reflecting commands; vouchers for horrifying products. Content warnings for: Emotional abuseBullying/tauntingUnhealthy relationshipsCults & cult activityAlcoholism & dangerous drinking practicesSwallowing SFXInnuendoMentions: zombies, kidnapping, existential crisis, guns, death, injury, blood, poisonTranscript: https://cutt.ly/vhZ2WjESpecial thanks to Penny Dreadful Mess for this episode's Brief Submission and this week's Patrons: Nicole Perlman, Devon, Cayleigh Latimer, Little King Trash Mouth

Episode 52 - Games of Spies and Guns of Paper *Caution* Citizen Employee Geistman and Clone David 7 still at large. Intelligence gathered by an undisclosed line manager known only as Plartro Hiltz working with the kind assistance of Fernsworth, Head of Sabotage and Espionage. None shall escape The Board... or would want to... Hail The Board! Content Warning for: Emotional abuseExistential crisisBullying/tauntingComedic violenceJump-scareFire (inc SFX)Mentions of: death, injury, alcohol/smoking, guns.TRANSCRIPT: https://cutt.ly/YhYA7pPSpecial thanks to Fleuranna for this episode's Brief Submission and this week's Patrons: theflyingpiano, Ana, Christian Nabli, thisistrashking, Catherine N., Shane Crowley, Robert Johnson, catsandbolts, Sarah Kitchen, schneefink, Spookyghostboy, Lyssie, Indigo Lee, Kait Sanchez, TheCookieOfDoom, Dana Milligan, David Michalek, XBFNoodles, .vouivre, Caisey Robertson, Kris Tsvirkun, Amelia Ford, Mistodon, Mia Cong, Alice Erebus, Nine, Alice Kneipp, HoloXam, Aaron

Hey everyone!Mike here, Rusty Quill’s video guy and I’m pleased to announce that Rusty Quill’s Gaming and Giving will be back this year and we’re going digital!Come join in as we go live at 11am GMT on the 12th December on Twitch.tv with 24 hours of videogames, board games and general fun and frolics. Yes, that’s right, I said 24 hours.We’ve made a few changes to the show this year, one of which is that we’ll be raising money for three charities: Mind, Action Aid and the Black, African and Asian Therapy Network and anything we raise this year will be split evenly across all three of them.Last year, we managed to raise just over £10,000 in 12 hours and I’m confident that, with your support, we’ll raise even more this year! Plus, let’s just say there may be some... creative incentives for our viewers who donate.So tune in to www.twitch.tv/rusty_quill on Saturday 12th December at 11am GMT to help us kick off Gaming and Giving 2020 and let’s send this year off with a bang!This year, Rusty Quill Gaming and Giving

Episode 51 - Cafés and Camouflage*Caution* Citizen Employee Geistman and Clone David 7 still at large. Fugitives should not be approached... or seen... no-one would want to escape the love of the board... please disregard the words “at Large” and “Fugitives” in this notification.If any employee notsees the notfugitives please inform your nearest Line Manager.HAIL THE BOARD____________________Content Warning for:Emotional abuseExistential crisisMentions of: death threats, food & drink, smokin, alcoholismTranscript: https://cutt.ly/UhmTaGC____________________Special thanks to Patrick Stöhr for this episode's Brief Submission and this week's Patrons: L Lunovick, Clay Cameron, Krisp Dreemurr, Robert Hubert, Zoe Dapore, Lindy McLosin' It, Moriah Day, Shay Topaz, Ida Karoliussen, Patrick Lusk, Frood, Bella Choy, Daniela, Johnathan, Lauren Smithwick, Gill, Taro, Desiree Certain, Maggie Benson, Mundetiam, Ruth Harris, Abel Strictly, Neeley, Chiara Di Filippo, Beau, Molly Bushby-Medlen, Bee Murray, Van Bedard, Har

Little Clone Baby (Stellar Firma album preview)*Caution* Board sanctioned mandatory fun inbound. Confidential preview. Cosmic Lounge employee cabaret night.Unauthorised distribution of content will result in DMCA (Deadly Metal Claw Attack) takedown.__________________________LyricsWhen it’s dark at nightand I close my eyes,I can see you there:only one that doesn’t hate me.I think I dreamed it all,got your drawing on my wall,I just feel so calmheld by your arms.Why are you so far away in Galactonium?Hey, won’t you save me? Hold me? Maybe? I just want to be your little clone baby.The days are hard,the nights are worse,so far from youacross the universe.But I can seeyour hand in mine,it’s all justa matter of time.A matter of time.At night I cry,in the day I’m strong,just trying to survive,just need to be calm.I can livewith this space aboveif you just givea piece of your love.You’re not so far away in Galactonium.Hey, won’t you save me? Hold me? Maybe?I just want to be your little cl

Join Helen, Ben, Lydia, Tim and Imogen for the conclusion of their spooky adventure in Grant Howitt's Beautiful Space Pirates!This week Countess Underscore over-varnishes, Bathin breaks up a standoff, Spinglewald glares, and Erogenous asks about beef.Content Notes: - Sexual references- Spiders- Mild body horror- Gun violence (inc SFX)- Blood / Gore- Character Death- Mention of anxiety/panic attackEditing this week by Lowri Ann Davies, Marisa Ewing & Alexander J Newall.SFX this week by shawshank73, SpliceSound, Mela, lolamadeus, Infernus2, JavierZumer, InspectorJ, Diboz, Mrthenaoronha, amorralteixe, qubodup, Kferentchak, Adam N with contributions from Soundly and previously credited artists via Freesound.org.Music:xtrgamr - "The Dramatic Music"(https://freesound.org/people/xtrgamr/sounds/331624/)Drakensson - "Crime Lab"(https://freesound.org/people/Drakensson/sounds/541774/)Ellary - "Jazzy Vibes #78 - Jazz Guitar Medley"(https://freesound.org/people/Ellary/sounds/529483/)Play Beautiful Space Pirates b