Failed Critics

Welcome to this week's Failed Critics Review, where for numerous reasons (too busy being a vigilante, boarding up his house for the impending Zombie apocalypse, being asleep, and having scurvy) we didn't get to the cinema. Oh, and our planned review of The Master was shelved because it's only showing in 'that London' for a fortnight. Never fear though, we still manage to fill over an hour with what we've watched this week, as well as our reaction to Disney's purchase of Lucasfilm (and the announced new Star Wars films), and Steve does his best Anne Robinson as we go all Watchdog on the asses of the cinema chains we happen to frequent. Don't worry - we'll be back to normal next week when we review Oscar-contender (it better be - James has backed it at 10-1) Argo.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Welcome to the second of our Bond Special podcasts - in this week's Triple Bill we name our favourite non-Bond performances from our randomly allocated Bond actors. In the case of James and Owen, it was a matter of pretty much naming three performances they had seen from their actors (George Lazenby and Roger Moore), and James' ongoing efforts to acquire a certain Lazenby performance in a 1993 Emmanuelle TV-movie proved sadly fruitless. Join us next week for our reaction to the latest Star Wars news, as well as Watchdog-esque Cinema-chain reviews, and which films we've been watching.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Duh, duh,duh, duuuuuhhh, duh, duh duuuuuuuuhhh! Bond is back on the big screens, and to celebrate Failed Critics recorded a podcast devoted to all things Bond, James Bond. To discuss the latest outing of 007: Licence to Kill we gathered Steve (Licence to Thrill), Owen (Licence to Ill), James (Licence to Grill), and Gerry (Licence to Pop Down t'Mill - because he's a northerner). We also discuss some classic (and not-so-classic) Bond films, and attempt the most shamefully embarrassing Pop Quiz of all time. Join us later in the week for the second of our Bond Specials as we discuss our favourite non-Bond performances from Connery, Moore, Lazenby, and Craig.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Welcome to this week’s Failed Critics Review – unfortunately delayed due to technical issues. Gerry is technically an old man who can’t stay up past 11pm apparently. Anyway, better late than never! On this week’s podcast we review the latest instalment of the Big Fish in the Found Footage pond – Paranormal Activity 4. We also catch up on what the critics have been watching in the past week, including the wonderful Safety Not Guaranteed, the utterly bonkers Holy Motors, and the little-seen Speed Racer. Steve also finally got around to watching The Raid. Join us at the weekend for Triple Bill where we discuss the films that have scared the crap out of us – and next week the Review returns with a review of Skyfall and a BOND SPECIAL!  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In honour of this weeks Triple Bill - TV-to-Film adaptations - we upped the budget slightly and went to the continent on holiday to record it. Owen booked us into an unfinished hotel, James got drunk on local alcoholic concoctions, Gerry got into fights with all the foreigners over sunbeds, and Steve found love. The end result is flashier, but ultimately less satisfying than the original series - unlike our choices of our favourite TV-to-Film adaptations! Next week we return to normality with the Failed Critics Review covering Paranormal Activity 4, and in Triple Bill we choose our scariest moments in cinema.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Welcome one and all to this week's Failed Critics Review, where we're doing something a little different - talking about TV instead of film. You'll get to hear what we think about programmes we've been watching this week, as well as the shows we think you really should be watching. Don't worry - the Review returns to normal next when we review Paranormal Activity 4  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for perfect sound quality, I can tell you I don't have money for decent equipment. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a pretty short podcasting career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you download the podcast, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will put it on your iPod without you knowing. In other words - on Triple Bill this week we talk about our favourite Revenge Movies! Join us next week for our TV Specials.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Play the creepy music. Watch out for strange noises. Hide your children in fear. This week James returns to Failed Critics! Oh, and we also review creepy-as-hell scare-fest Sinister. Also on the podcast that dare not speak the name of a hideous entity from the depths of Hell for fear of granting it extra power (basically that Neeson-starring revenge sequel), we review Paranormal Activity and the ‘found footage’ genre, Will Ferrell’s latest comedy The Campaign, and Gerry decides it would be okay to do something completely different this week. What this podcast lacks in accuracy and insight, it makes up for in sheer shambolic joy! Join us later in the week for our Triple Bill of Top Revenge Films!  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Welcome to Triple Bill, where this week we discuss our favourite films of the 1980s. James was too ill to record, and he's still feeling dreadful so this week's pithy and witty write-up is absolutely nowhere to be seen. Still, who needs that when you've got the critics discussing the best decade of cinema EVER!  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Sadly (or thankfully depending on your point of view) James was absent from this week's Failed Critics Review, in which Steve, Owen and Gerry review sci-fi time-travel headfuck Looper. Luckily James's future-self has told him that they managed to pull together an excellent podcast in the mouthy old bastard's absence. In honour of the big man himself, they also reviewed a Bruce Willis film each - and maybe someone suggested everyone really should go and watch Taken 2. James hasn't a clue to be honest, and writing in the third person is taking its toll. Join us (sans James again) later this week for Triple Bill: Eighties Films.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

After a less than stellar summer of blockbusters this year, the critics turn their attention to the films we hope to be entertained over the winter, including a number of films getting ready to take at run at the 'awards season'. Sadly Owen was still pulliung a sickie, and Gerry pissed off after his bit to get his much-needed beauty sleep. Still, Steve and James manage to just about keep it all together like the pros that they are. Join us next week for the FC Review, where we review Looper, as well as Killing Them Softly and a mini Bruce Willis special  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This week on Failed Critics we talk about the story of a youngster with no friends and an unhealthy obsession with ropey zombie films. And as well as moaning at Owen pulling a sickie, we also review stop-motion kiddie-horror film ParaNorman! Thank you, we're here all week. Please try the fish. Despite Owen's absence, we still put together a meaty podcast for you this week - with reviews of the latest Stiller/Vaughan comedy The Watch, Hidden (Cache), and Stanley Kubrick's 1956 heist film The Killing. James also passionately puts forward his case for Failed Critics not reviewing Taken 2. Join us later in the week for our Winter Preview Triple Bill.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Failed Critic Cocktail 1 measure emotional old man 1 measure grumpy Northerner dash of vigilante a handful of anti-Star Wars vitriol 2 spoons of the obligitory Star Wars choice 1 terrible Begbie inpression Shake, and serve over headphones. This week the critics choose their favourite film scenes that take place in a bar/pub/place that serves booze. We've got surprises, tons of crossover, and the usual fawning over Michael Fassbender. Join us next week for reviews of ParaNorman in the Failed Critics Review, and our Winter PRaview Triple Bill  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Brothers. Gangsters. Heroes. That doesn't apply to any of us, if we're honest. Except maybe heroes. Steve chased someone from a kebab shop once. We are critics though, and this week we're tackling prohibition-era Shia the Beef-starring movie Lawless. We also hear from James as he struggles to wax lyrical about two of his favourite films so far this year - Berberian Sound Studio and The Imposter - as well as hearing reviews on Barry Lyndon and Glengary Glen Ross. James was hungover and without notes, Gerry had only seen Lawless, Owen's internet kept cutting out, and Steve was...well, Steve. Somehow we recorded a show. Enjoy!  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Freeze punks! You have the right to remain silent and listen to Failed Critics Triple Bill. Anything you do say will be ignored because, well, we can't hear you. It's not live. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, we're not going to provide one. Especially if you're the victim of a kebab-based vigilante attack from a film podcast host. Where were we? Oh yes - it's Failed Critics Triple Bill, and this week in honour of the excellent Dredd 3D we're naming our favourite movie cops. There's crossover (that you might not expect), and Owen makes his second, possibly fatal, error since joining the podcast.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In this desolate future there are thousands of films, and the only thing seperating the criminally bad film from the public are the men and woman of the Hall of Film Justice. We are the judge, juries, and executioners of horrific cinema. We are the law! On this week's Failed Critics Review we give our verdict on Dredd 3D, and find out whether it is able to lay to rest the ghost of the atrocious Stallone effort. Also reviewed this week are The Inkeepers, Blade Runner (Final Cut), and Jurassic Park. Owen even manages to compare a Van Damme film to Goddard's Breathless (really). Join us later in the week for Triple Bill, where this week we choose our favourite film cops.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

After a week away, we welcome back Failed Critics Triple Bill. This week the critics choose their favourite real-life stories that they want to see made into films. Not only that, but they tell us why and how, and even cast their imaginary films. This was one of our favourite recordings, and there are some great stories here - including the only man to kill someone with a crossbow in WWII, an Opera-loving Russian wrestler, and a man who made the Suez Canal disappear. Also, James recorded this one in his car while his neighbours looked suspiciously out of their windows, so it's a bit of a collector's item. We're back on Wednesday with a review of Dredd 3D, and next weekend with our favourite film cops in Triple Bill.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The return of the Fat White Duke – yep, James is back from London and is here to tell us about Bowiefest, the first film festival devoted to the cinematic work of David Bowie. Also this week, the Failed Critics review Total Recall, a film that is definitely a remake of the 1990 Arnie classic, regardless of what the studio tells us. We also discuss what we’ve been watching this week including The Hunger Games, Labyrinth, Very Bad things, and Jean Claude van Damme’s classic Time Cop. Join us on Friday for Triple Bill, where we choose our favourite true-life stories that we would love to see made into films.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Welcome to this week's Failed Critics Review - coming to you live from, among other places, James' car. That's right. This week our main review is Pixar's latest film - 'Brave'. As well as giving our opinions on the film, we discuss the success of the studio and whether or not they're a bigger draw these days than the Disney brand. In other news James finds a film that doesn't make him cry in The Expendables 2, Gerry ponders society after watching Dreams of a Life, Steve continues to confuse himself with time-travel films by watching Twelve Monkeys, and Owen finally finds a Tim Burton film he can get onboard with in Ed Wood. The critics also pay tribute to Tony Scott, while the Quote Game makes a return after literally no one realised we'd forgotten in for the last few weeks. We're back later this week with 'Triple Bill: Based on a true story', and in next week's review with Total Recall  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Not much of a blurb this week. James is off on holiday, and you all know the drill already. This week the critics discuss their favourite ever fight scenes, including appearances from Jackie Chan, Roddy Piper, and...Luke Wilson?  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.