Riders Radio Theater

Literally anything that could go wrong for Riders In The Sky has done so: America’s Favorite Cowboys were evicted from Triple X Ranch, Miss Marm’s prune farm has gone to ruin, and as the Riders now sit out by a lonely campfire, all hell broke loose. It began to rain, a rampaging grizzly tore through their camp, and a crazed gang of headless machine gunners started blasting away. Is this the end of Riders In The Sky?! Featuring Jerry Clower!

As faithful listeners will no doubt recall, in a former serial Ranger Doug – thinking then he was the Phantom of the Valley – saved Miss Marm’s Prune Orchard and received a congratulatory kiss. The kiss was so powerful it brought back Ranger Doug’s memory, but a gunshot from Charlie proved the battle was not over…

Charlie, fitted in a combination of a spacesuit and spaceship, was shot into space to retrieve Spamium, but returned empty-handed. Meanwhile, the blast from the rocket gun and its resulting reverberations caused a stampede… revealing what may be the last remaining Studebaker Golden Hawk… featuring Jamie Hartford!

It’s morning in Tumbleweed Valley. The Riders have finished an early breakfast, and they eagerly await the arrival of the Pony Express. A geographical goof by Too Slim brings a subsequent letter from the Department of the Interior, and the evil villain Slocum has outfitted Charlie in a spacesuit for undoubtedly dubious purposes…

Slocum, wanting to test out his rocket gun, gave Charlie a headset and wireless microphone, sent him to the mouth of the barrel and told him to crawl inside. Meanwhile, back at the famed Harmony Ranch, Riders In The Sky are gathered in their kitchen for a signature Sidemeat meal. But when a dreary radio tune plays across the airwaves, the city falls into a deep depression… featuring Skeeter Davis!

Slocum and Charlie, needing a yodel as a catalyst for their rocket gun’s propellant, put on masks and kidnapped Sidemeat. They tied him to the railroad tracks and waiting for the 3:10 to Yuma. When the Riders came to the rescue, arriving just in the nick of time to rescue Sidemeat with a Ranger Doug yodel. But at the same time the yodel freed Sidemeat, it started a small inner clock on the largest rocket gun on this planet…

Miss Marm and her Sunshine Aerobics class have formed a human chain to block the convoy of 75 18-wheelers carrying materials for Slocum’s rocket gun. After losing control of their brakes, the trucks went over the edge of the deadly cliff. Meanwhile, directly beneath the falling trucks, Charlie is stuck below in a mud pit… featuring Tracy Nelson!

Evil Slocum is up to his ears in his latest big and evil plan, and Miss Marm’s Sunshine Aerobics class has rallied to stop it. Once at the mountain, Miss Marm and her army yet again scare Charlie off a cliff. Meanwhile, 75 18-wheelers have arrived laden with construction materials for Slocum’s rocket gun. But the truck drivers were professional entertainers, and when a paying show biz gig came up, they abandoned their trucks in Tumbleweed City…

Slocum’s sights remain focused on Rudy’s Comet, a comet made of an element unknown on Earth called Spamium, with a single spoonful rumored to power entire cities for centuries. But when environmental activist Miss Marm learned of Slocum’s plan to deface the west’s most beautiful mountain, she rallied her Sunrise Aerobics class to the cause. When Slocum learned of this, he sent Charlie to the crossroads to halt their efforts… featuring Sweethearts of the Rodeo!

Ranger Doug is determined to prove that the Studebaker Golden Hawk is not an extinct species. While searching the Grand Crouton Mountains, the Riders saw Miss Marm kissing Baxter Black. Meanwhile, Slocum has obtained a rocket gun permit from High Sheriff Drywall, and Charlie – after falling off a cliff – found his way to a brain surgeon, who performed a bizarre surgery with a bolt of lightning…

The Riders are searching for the last suspected habitat of the legendary Studebaker Golden Hawk in the Grand Crouton Mountain in Tumbleweed Valley. Meanwhile, Slocum has leased the grandest Crouton of them all and plans to build a huge rocket gun up its towering side. Later that same day, Miss Marm was rescued from the doofus Charlie by Baxter Black, earning him a thank you kiss. But it was at that moment Ranger Doug came into view on a nearby knoll and saw the smooch…

Slocum and Charlie have stolen a shipment of rocket gun research documents from The National Archives! Slocum then raised the money to build said rocket gun by preemptively selling it (slightly used) to a far-away despot. While plotting the mountaintop on which to build the weapon, he checked the county records for the owner of the highest peak and made a startling discovery…

The arch villain Slocum has hijacked an armored car he believes to contain a shipment of art and jewelry belonging to The National Archives. Meanwhile, Sheriff Drywall wrote what he believed to be a hit song, took it to Nashville and was taken for everything he owned. It is a dark, moonless night in Tumbleweed City, and an armored car tools into town and stops in the back of the infamous Dry Gulf Saloon…

Riders In The Sky had a delicious Mexican dinner and Sheriff Drywall wrote a song. Meanwhile, in our nation’s capital, the Bluegrass Movers – using an armored car and dump truck – are transporting treasures from The National Archives to a new research facility. But waiting to hijack them on a lonely stretch of two-lane highway are none other than Slocum and Charlie… featuring The Cox Family!

Riders In The Sky are gathered innocently enough at the ranch house kitchen while Sidemeat prepares a hearty supper of disgusting slop. As expected, the Riders are looking for dinner alternatives at nearby restaurants, but as the Riders happily head off, startling discoveries by Sheriff Drywall and our nation’s capitol begin to weave a web of tangled events… featuring the Katie Laur Band!

As fateful listeners will no doubt recall, there’s big trouble in Tumbleweed Valley. Ranger Doug was convicted of crimes he didn’t commit, fled while on bail and is now a victim of amnesia, believing himself to be Don Ricardo Proboscis. Charlie and Slocum are up to their dirty necks in mischief as they plot to take over Miss Marm’s prune ranch with a plan involving Ranger Doug’s mask, a landfill and Woolworths… featuring Pam Tillis!

Riders In The Sky – thinking Charlie was Ranger Doug – had chased after the Phantom, but lost him when he disappeared into the face of the Montgomery Cliffs. Back at Miss Marm’s Prune Ranch, the prune hawks have returned from whence they came, but not before a US Department of Agriculture agent saw them and phoned in a report to Washington of a gigantic prune hawk population explosion that would leave America pruneless…

Slocum is deeply involved in his very big and evil plan to take over the water rights to Tumbleweed Valley. With Ranger Doug still distracted and believing he is Don Ricardo Proboscis, Slocum has hatched a new plan to take over Miss Marm’s organic prune ranch. Charlie has been ordered to disguise himself as Ranger Doug, visit Miss Marm and drop a single drop of Ode de Prune Hawk into her irrigation tank… featuring Pee Wee King!

Now believing that he is Don Ricardo Proboscis, Ranger Doug donned the Don’s cape, mask and used charcoal to turn Turbo into a jet-black stallion. He then rode forth, where he thwarted Charlie’s plan to stampede a herd of chickens to their deaths. Disturbed by Ranger Doug’s disappearance, Too Slim notified Sheriff Drywall, who then arranged to get the story on the hit television series Unsolved Mysteries.

After discovering a hidden cavern and tripping into a subterranean void, Ranger Doug was saved by his faithful horse, Turbo! But the fall caused amnesia, and when he discovered the cave was none other than the long-lost secret lair of Don Ricardo Proboscis, he then assumed that he was the 300-year-old Don Proboscis, also known as… the Phantom of the Valley. Featuring The Bobs!