Larry Miller Show

Our rakish raconteur talks about why a poor man's tow shot is better than a regular tow shot. Plus, hear about the horror of new hand towels!  And could this latest hamper update be the last hamper update ever? Is Larry taking matters into his own hands? Is he putting this controversy to rest once and for all? Why, it's inconthievable!  Quote of the week: "I hope Drano hires a million people a day."

"The theme of this show is all about throwing things up," says Larry. Well, yes and no. On a completely unrelated note, the Upland chapter of the LMDS checks in, sharing an absinthe-based drink recipe. We ruminate, confab and otherwise mull over what exactly absinthe is and ain't. Also in this episode, Larry is a world-class "opener and closer of things" and isn't shy about admitting it. He once again expresses disgust and general loathing for the metric system. Who's with us? Burma? Liberia? Anyone else? You'll all come crawling back someday!  And just when you thought there would be no more hamper updates, intrigue and suspense ensue! What's the future of Larry's fourfecta? Will it break? Will it go to five? Will it go on tour? Tune in to find out! Quote of the week: "Once you start talking like Foghorn Leghorn, you really can't stop." (Selected  by a quorum of LMDS Members.)

Larry gets lost in a convention of Elvis impersonators at an Indian casino and, not surprisingly, has the time of life.  Is Larry losing the battle of the wills? Find out in this week's HAMPER UPDATE! And what do goofy guards in South Africa have to do with Sonny Burgess and the Legendary Pacers? Listen in and find out! Nominum quid geminus!? Quote of the week: "She knew I was, what's the word...lying."

Larry intros this rerun with an announcement about his return to the podcasting airwaves. For you Larryphiles out there, note that this is the episode that was recorded the day after the "Lost Episode," which was aired last week. Stay tuned at the end of this show for a little bonus 3 minute promo for this episode that we're pretty sure was never used. In this episode: Larry speaks out against the dine and ditch. You know, the chew and screw? The eat and fleet? The mash and dash? The ol' grub and snub? (Is anyone still reading?) You get the point. And why does Larry always get blamed for things? Whatever the reason is, it must be in his chromosomes, because now his kids are getting blamed for things as well. Then we get to hear about the day Larry learned he could chug beer and him getting knocked out by a left hook. Are these two stories related? The smart money is on "yes." Later, Larry sarcastically lobbies for giving Guinness to children. And finally comes the tale of the enemies Larry is inadvertent

We have a special Halloween treat for you! We've uncovered a "lost episode" of This Week With Larry Miller! Larry talks about getting nervous around authority figures and his unsuccessful attempts to turn a profit on drinking scotch. Plus, he gets scoffed at by hobos. This episode was originally recorded June 6th, 2011 and was supposed to be TWWLM episode #223. For reasons no one can remember, we decided to re-record the episode the next day. The result was the episode "Dine and Dash With Larry Miller" which was released on June 8th, 2011.  But the first recording was lost in the This Week With Larry Miller archives UNTIL NOW! Interestingly, the two episodes turned out very different, despite Larry working from the same show notes. Quote of the week: "As long as I'm pulled over, why don't I shoot it out?"

Larry stumbles across a nude beach and makes a spectacle. No, not a pair of glasses so he could see better, he makes a spectacle with his reaction. The great hunter returns from Vancouver with tales of long walks, comedic cheese-takes (not to be confused with comedic cheesesteaks) and eating lunch next to a toxic waste cleanup site.  Larry also espouses the philosophy of finding "another tiny drop," and no, Mr. Funny Person, he's not talking about booze. Well, not this time, anyway. In addition, we hear about the deceptively wisdom of Honus Wagner, Casey Stengal and Mickey Mantle. We also find out that we don't know what tilapia is. And more importantly, we find out that we don't care.  So, go polish up your fancy two-tone spectator shoes and take a stroll until you're walking like John Wayne. The quote of the week: "By missile it was two hours."

**We've thrown in a little bonus at the end of this rerun, a 3 minute audio promo for this episode that we found in our archives.** A special international episode of TWWLM! Yes, Larry gets called away on short notice to work on a movie in Canada, but we still figure out a way to bring you this week's This Week.  We link up to Larry through the Sensaround Satellite system to the Level Five North studios in Flin Flon, Manitoba. Okay, Larry called in with Skype from his hotel room in Vancouver.  Join us as we hear about Larry's biennial hummus digestion dilemma. And who says America doesn't export anything anymore? And what is the metric equivalent of a volleyball-sized glop of hummus?  Larry talks about getting great pour of Guinness with some new Canadian pals and a less-successful attempt at finding some waffles in the wee hours of the morning.  We also hear about Larry's excessive sweating and stammering when dealing with customs agents. Then we find out why Larry spent two hours in the shower. Also, L

Larry tells tales from the start of the Million Martini March and shares signs of the end of the world.  We hear about Larry and the crew's trip our for hot shaves, martinis, chicken and waffles. Then he talks about a commercial he saw while watching the Jets game that upset him to the very core of his soul. By the end of this episode, you'll realize the huge difference between "and...?" and "and by..." Also, Larry waxes nostalgic for the likes of Anita Ekberg and Anne Jeffreys. Then we hear about what you DON'T want to hear at a silent auction. That's right, honey. You're a winner. Quote of the week: "That's the and. AND I'm calling security."

Hear how to maximize the laughs you can get from an $8 pair of underwear.Plus, we have a lotta errata. Larry offers a REALLY good apology to Ray’s Really Good Beef Jerky. Larry also talks about the joy he gets from being wrong and apologizing. Plus, the joke of the week, a fecta update, plus the story of a boy and his gun. Awwwww.Quote of the week: “Quick like the bunny. Not slow like the bear.”

Larry grinds the granny gear as a chain smokin', C.B. jokin' truck driving S.O.B. (With all due respect to Deadbolt.) Yes, hear about how a teenaged Larry bluffed his way into a job behind the wheel of a commercial truck.The battle of the battered hamper continues in the Miller household. Larry and his wife both respond by throwing their clothes in a pile on the floor for three weeks. Larry again talks about his reluctance to chuck worn out clothes. Then we hear about a listener who is mourning the loss of his beloved soap bar collection, which was not-so-inadvertently thrown out by his wife.What's the difference between the number 6 and the number 9? (If you said 3, you may be right and also possibly a smart aleck.) And we also learn that it's very, very difficult to park an aircraft carrier in Afghanistan. And learn the difference between white meat and the other white meat.And by...Quote of the week: "I'm white meat."

Larry Miller -- tool maker, stacker of wheat -- opens with a tribute to actor Warren Stevens, then segues into memories of Ricardo Montalban and The Naked Gun. Then he talks about how he's not a hero with hot food, yet he does manage to rescue some hot wings from peril.Is this episode better than pork? You make the call!Quote of the week: "I'm usually unabashed."

Larry takes Jerry Seinfeld and George Wallace to help him pick out a a brand new 1989 Mercury Colony Park wagon back in, well, 1989 obviously. Porsche? Nah. Camaro? Feh. The Colony Park winds up being his chick magnet! Also, Larry talks about his wardrobe, including his 30-year-old pants and why there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. Don't judge, you! And find out the the best place for clam chowder. Is it Boston? Is it San Francisco? Is it in your shirt pocket?And Larry returns from the road to find his house in an odd state. Yes, of course he finds it in the state of California, smart guy. But he more specifically finds it in a state of disarray! This tale is replete with intrigue! Sabotage! Hampers! Newspapers!Has Larry laughed in the face of the soap gods once again by pushing the bounds of how many bars of soap can be melded together? Or has he learned his lesson and stuck with four bars? Act surprised when you hear the answer, OK?Will the show lose its edge if it starts making a million dollars? W

Larry talks about spending an involuntary vacation in the snow. Plus, we hear about his search for really good beef jerky, really good pistachios and really good martini olives.Then Larry welcomes the new year, but not for too long. That's enough. And Larry teases us with the possible existence of an eightfecta, possibly to be known colloquially as the octafecta?We also have a long overdue and very serious hamper update. And a joke of the week? And a safety razor update? That's our update update. Quote of the week: "What are you gonna do on the 4th? Read the Declaration of Independence?"

Larry does an unplanned 20 minute tutorial on making martinis, then apologizes for his previous apologies. This is the first time a drink recipe has included the expressions, "Show it who's boss," "Big triple to the power alley" and "Beat it around the fleet."As always, all stories are guaranteed true and stirred, not shaken. Quote of the week: "Fellas, you look lonely. Would you like to meet someone who's just like you?"

Three kinds of people walk in LA. And courtesy of a dead car battery, Larry becomes one of them and fails to conquer time. Then Larry tells of his longing for McClure's pickles and of hinge abuses around his house during possibly his most rambunctious hamper update ever.A John Carradine AND a David Carradine reference in one episode? Plus Larry gets the website address right for 3 weeks in a row? Plus, this is our longest episode ever by 46 whole seconds! You're welcome! (This IS a half-hour show, you know.) Pinch yourself. You may be dreaming.Quote of the week: "It's just as good as the pickle story."

Larry talks about his trip to Dallas, continuing his tradition of plugging shows once they are already past. Then Larry visits "Camp Shakeitoff," a lovely place where we won't be talking about feelings and there will be no therapists on speed dial.Also, we hear about possums and their habit of playing, well, you know, possum. Plus, two new segments! And of course, that means two new wacky sound effects.As always, all stories are guaranteed true, Pluto is a planet and don't rat to Larry's wife, you. Quote of the week: "Thank God it was a paperback."

Spit buckets and broken legs are afoot in this week's episode as Larry talks about some of his favorite show business superstitions and traditions. Who has better taste in Clairol Girls, Larry or his son? YOU make the call! The good news is that Dr. Laxamana has returned to work, more gruntled than ever! Remember, all stories guaranteed true and Homer is Homer! And this week's guest star is Larry Miller.Quote of the week: "It was the Earl of Oxford who worked in the box factory."

Larry hopes you screwed up Valentine’s Day. Hear why he thinks it’s a good idea to flub this holiday or at least phone it in. See you at the all-night jewelry store!On what seems to be a related matter but is not, Larry once again professes his love of being wrong. Then we hear about a drinker he met on a plane that put him to shame. This, plus a joke, two updates and about 14 topics we never got to on this week’s This Week With Larry Miller!Quote of the week: “Get a load of you. Get a load of you.”

Larry is smitten with Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian and Scarlett Johansson. Will his love be requited, even though the top of his head is missing?Larry talks about how hard modeling is. Don't hate him because he's beautiful. Then we hear about a woman who wouldn't believe that Larry was Larry and why you shouldn't bother starting a diet until after the Super Bowl.And we have a new update, the update update. Is this the update to end all updates? Or is it no update at all? (A gong rings in the distance.)That's it? You're done reading the episode description? Doesn't surprise me. You've done nothing but complain since you got here.Quote of the week: "This way, no one knows you're bald."

Larry tells how to hide 20 bottles of Jameson's behind a quart of milk and a sheepish grin. Then we hear about how in marriage math, one hour can equal TWO POINT EIGHT HOURS!Also, in this incredibly historic episode, we launch the Larry Miller Drinking Society Museum of Glad Tidings and the Larry Miller Drinking Society's Million Martini March! Some day, you'll tell your Grandkids where you were when you heard about this. We also get a visit from the joke of the week!Quote of the week: "There are weddings in Dublin that don't have that much Jameson's."