I Am Citizen Abels

Nina Hartley and Ernest Greene are the “power couple of porn,” which only makes sense given their shared love of BDSM and human sexuality. Nina and Ernest join The Citizen on this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” entitled, “Nina And Ernest Get Off” to discuss their carnal careers and lives, as well as their success as a couple. Nina’s appearance on the show is her second with The Citizen. The first, “The Rattle Of The Bulge” (www.therattleofthebulge.com), left no doubt that Nina has no problems coming again and again, even to listen to The Citizen’s dopey practice of innuendo and lame sex jokes. This time, Nina brings her husband and colleague, Ernest Greene – a couple of Jews even Moses would have admired. The Citizen realizes they’ve freed themselves, and the couple – like The Citizen – follow The Nine Commandments. Though they never say they would decline having a sexual threesome with our fearless friend, The Citizen, Nina finds herself hit on again as The Citizen tries to hit it one more time. The radio

Singer, songwriter, and guitarist Emily Musolino performs a solo acoustic version of her original song, "Pull It Together," from her upcoming album, "The Vault." Emily's performance was recorded live in the Four Strong Media Studios on May 1, 2017, during the taping of Emily's appearance on "I Am Citizen Abels," in an episode entitled, "A Soulful Tongue."  “I Am Citizen Abels” (www.iamcitizenabels.com) is an internet radio show starring David Abels, and a copyrighted production of Four Strong Media LLC (www.fourstrongmedia.com). You can follow The Citizen on his social media sites and listen to him on iTunes, Stitcher, Last.fm, YouTube, Vimeo, and other iPhone, Android, and Windows phone, desktop, and tablet podcast and media player apps. Just search and subscribe to “I Am Citizen Abels.” You can follow Citizen Abels on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and Instagram or get in touch with him by email at iamcitizenabels@gmail.com. Call Citizen Abels toll-free on The Citizen Hotline at (844) 99-CITIZEN.

Enjoy this bit from “I Am Citizen Abels,” when his housemate, Blackbird, the angry black bird, shows up to bitch about The Citizen and about the white man in general. Lord knows Blackbird gives The Citizen the blues. This bit first appeared on an episode featuring stripper and fetishist Jaded Dawn called “Tits For Money," and was recorded January 27, 2017.   “I Am Citizen Abels” (www.iamcitizenabels.com) is an internet radio show starring David Abels, and a copyrighted production of Four Strong Media LLC (www.fourstrongmedia.com). You can follow The Citizen on his social media sites and listen to him on iTunes, Stitcher, Last.fm, YouTube, Vimeo, and other iPhone, Android, and Windows phone, desktop, and tablet podcast and media player apps. Just search and subscribe to “I Am Citizen Abels.” You can follow Citizen Abels on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and Instagram or get in touch with him by email at iamcitizenabels@gmail.com. Call Citizen Abels toll-free on The Citizen Hotline at (844) 99-CITIZEN.

Is the saying “give me liberty or give me death” about divorce or standing in line at Walmart? Is money the root of all evil or just the evil in our political system? Do you prefer air or water? Who the hell knows? In this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” aptly titled “The Libertarian Delivers," recorded May 11, 2017, The Citizen and Sean Haugh, the infamous Libertarian pizza delivery driver turned politician and U.S. Senatorial candidate, tackle these issues and more. Despite occasional attempts to appear politically correct and diplomatic, The Citizen likes to leave these matters to professional politicians like Sean Haugh. As a member of the Libertarian Party because of his strong beliefs against the government interfering with his vision of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, Sean has run for the U.S. Senate three times. The Citizen is left wondering whether Sean is a member of the Libertarian Party or the Masochistic Party or just a garden party. Maybe it’s all three. Although the two men have a

In this Citizen Abels Prank Call, The Citizen calls The White House and asks to speak to “the man in charge.” Listen as he’s told if he wants to speak to The President – or to Melania – he’ll have to make that request in writing. This prank call was recorded January 27, 2016. “I Am Citizen Abels” (www.iamcitizenabels.com) is an internet radio show starring David Abels, and a copyrighted production of Four Strong Media LLC (www.fourstrongmedia.com). You can follow The Citizen on his social media sites and listen to him on iTunes, Stitcher, Last.fm, YouTube, Vimeo, and other iPhone, Android, and Windows phone, desktop, and tablet podcast and media player apps. Just search and subscribe to “I Am Citizen Abels.” You can follow Citizen Abels on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and Instagram or get in touch with him by email at iamcitizenabels@gmail.com. Call Citizen Abels toll-free on The Citizen Hotline at (844) 99-CITIZEN.

On this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” The Citizen interviews the multi-talented singer, songwriter, and guitarist, Emily Musolino. Emily deflowers The Citizen and beautifies the Four Strong Media Studios by performing in-studio – the first live musical performance during the “I Am Citizen Abels” show. In-studio with The Citizen and Emily for this show was The Citizen’s friend and former guest, Mark Barroso, who insists that he be called, Little Brother Bosco, or Bosco for short. Bosco is apparently running now from North Carolina authorities after previously running from South Florida forces of evil. You’ll really enjoy this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” entitled, “A Soulful Tongue," recorded May 1, 2017. So, listen as The Citizen and everyone hopefully puts to bed the notion that who you sleep with conveys some notion of who you are. Emily Musolino’s got a soulful tongue and she’s definitely got music in her soul. That’s all you need to know. “I Am Citizen Abels” (www.iamcitizenabels.com) is an intern

As everyone knows, there’s not a pair of tits The Citizen doesn’t like, sometimes especially his man boobs. Not that he can find the right bra to hoist those babies up. Stripper Jaded Dawn, however, had enough of her triple D’s, and decided to go to a more comfortable size. Give her credit. Because she’s actually put aside what some girls do for money and realized that her health and comfort matter more than having tits for money. But Jaded is still the real deal no matter what anyone says, including her. She always has something to say to The Citizen and something that will make him laugh and you wonder why you have to think everyone who works doing adult things is someone you think is just a stupid, abused little girl. Some are. Jaded isn’t. Don’t let her give you her standard line – she’s Jaded. The Citizen knows she’s a lot more caring than most. Listen to The Citizen and Jaded Dawn discuss many things besides boobs. And while The Citizen likes to have a good time, he’d rather have a good friend. This epi

When he was young and gorgeous and could keep the beat (out of his pants) many moons ago, The Citizen and Mick Jagger were standing on a New York City street corner talking to graffiti artist Lady Pink and moving like Richards. Someone walked up to our fearless friend, and told him to ditch the jail pale and just paint it black. Honestly. So on this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” recorded January 12, 2017, The Citizen speaks with guest, Scott Nurkin, one of the many great musicians that live near the Four Strong Media complex. Scott, also a great artist who paints it big and colorful in beautiful murals in the Triangle region of North Carolina, did a great job at reminding The Citizen it’s not black if you make it like a rainbow. Fly on, little finch. This one’s for you. Rock on. Roll on. Pay it forward. “I Am Citizen Abels” (www.iamcitizenabels.com) is an internet radio show starring David Abels, and a copyrighted production of Four Strong Media LLC (www.fourstrongmedia.com). You can follow The Citizen on

Like a garlic infused chicken breast in a hot oven, The Citizen is always infused with the spirit. Whether it’s because people go hungry and homeless on the streets of America or it’s his little black pussycat got out the house and his angry white neighbors complains to The Citizen’s friends at animal control, The Citizen has no bounds when it comes to jumping for joy or for Jesus. And Jesus never saw no sinners. Did he? Well, then, all you sinners, it’s time to listen to your faithful friend talk to Reid, a gospel singer and songwriter come latter day hipster. Reid fills The Citizen in on all the worldly things a man needs to know, like would Mariah Carey have a religious experience in bed with a holy ghost. Or would Mahalia Jackson tell you always have a friend in The Citizen. Once upon a time, people told you that the Bible said, “No, you can’t do that,” and, “No, you can’t do that,” and “No, you can’t do that.” Reid disagrees and tells The Citizen, “Yes, we can. Yes, we can.” This episode of “I Am Citizen

Ever go to a restaurant and there’s actually a fly in your soup? And you want to say something, but you feel like a punk for even bothering to raise your voice? Welcome to The Citizen’s world. He couldn’t be a punk if he tried. It’s that Jewish guilt. But Scott Crawford knows real punks. And he knows real punk musicians. He’s hung around and worked in the Washington, D.C. punk scene since he was a kid. His tour de force documentary, “Salad Days: A Decade of Punk in Washington, DC (1980-90),” about the local D.C./suburban Maryland independent music scene, garnered rave reviews and a popular following. Scott has turned the work and photos from that project into an exciting and thoroughly researched new book, “Spoke: Images and Stories from the 1980s Washington, DC Punk Scene.” In this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” entitled, “A Punk In My Soup," recorded January 11, 2017, The Citizen and Crawford discuss everything on this episode – from kids and rock guitar to white angst, divorce angst, and the American Dre

If there’s anyone who knows about screaming and about screaming guitar, it would be The Citizen. Ever since he was an impressionable teenager, he’s given everyone the impression that no man steps on his toes while he’s stepping on his wah-wah pedal. So on this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” entitled, “Play It Even Louder” , which was recorded December 16, 2016, The Citizen is takin’ it to the streets with famed music journalist and enthusiast, Brad Tolinski, who himself is no stranger to rock guitar, rock and roll, rock stars, and other things that looked stoned in dark sunglasses. Tolinski and The Citizen discuss everything from why black guitarists were discriminated against for everything but their music, why Jimmy Page seems to have that time of the month every day, and why rock guitar will never die. Hopefully. If you know anything about The Citizen, you know after talking to someone like Brad Tolinski, he wants to go back to New York City, stand up at the microphone at Madison Square Garden, and tell

Have you ever just wanted to unwrap walnuts, squeeze a banana, undo a fly, grab two melons with your fingers, and say, “Baby, what succulent fruit?” Well, feel free on this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” entitled, “Those Cups Runneth Over," recorded December 7, 2016. Because the gorgeous and gregarious and bubbly and conversant (you get the picture) loveliness named Jaded Dawn even gives The Citizen a free pass to engage in verbal intercourse like you’ve never heard except out of the bedroom window of your Puerto Rican neighbors next door. Mamacita, you looking deliciosa! Jaded Dawn, stripper, adult model, and sometimes porn performer par excellence, celebrates nudity in all its forms and shapes – big asses to triple D’s – with The Citizen on this show, and The Citizen is ready for it all the way, right down to the boner. So sit tight, unloosen the belt, call for a booty call, and prepare to watch Jaded slide down your naked pole, as she exposes every lie in the adult industry (it’s a hard, hard business).

As every Jew across the world knows, there is always an oven waiting – not at Lowe’s, not at the pizza place down the block – but at some camp where they don’t play volleyball, they just play it like a death match. The Citizen just isn’t interested in getting that tanned. He also isn’t interested in eating pastrami to the point of no return or to the point the scale goes past 400 pounds. Or is he interested anymore in playing cards with nudniks (pestering, irritating people in Yiddush), who sit and eat potato chips by the bag and take his money like it was manna from Heaven. Still, there’s always some Jew who’s headed on the way to baking – and not matzahs – like some related to the President-Elect that The Citizen look to as not the canary, but the Jew in the coal mine. In this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” recorded November 28, 2016, The Citizen goes into the post to face off in a basketball game of words with his old very good-looking friend and former coworker, Ken Friedman, the nudnik in chief at loca

Whether you want to believe it or not or whether you see it or not, we live not only in a fast food era, we live in an era when everything is pretty much as fake as a pair of tits on a porn star. That doesn’t mean we need to continue down that road. But it does mean we better wake the hell up before all of us wind up in the borg. Chef Bill Donovan is one of the bold, brave, and gritty men who believes you gotta’ stand tough in the face of plastic food and plastic people. F’em if they don’t like your opinions. F’em if they can’t take a joke. F’em if they don’t work hard. But Christ, you really don’t like that hamburger? So join The Citizen on this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” entitled, “Slow Food And Grit," and recorded November 22, 2016, as he grills Chef Bill and realizes there’s nothing worse than a hungry mind with nothing to eat but garbage in coming from everyone else’s garbage out. “I Am Citizen Abels” (www.iamcitizenabels.com) is an internet radio show starring David Abels, and a copyrighted produ

Breezing through school and getting a full ride to medical school, Priyanka had it all on the surface. But as she was examining depressed patients for their symptoms, she suddenly realized that being a full-time doctor would drive her mad, so she picked up stand-up comedy and never looked back. Named by Refinery29 as “50 Female Stand-Up Comedians You Need To Know”, Priyanka Wali is a stand-up comedienne who performs routinely all throughout California, including corporate gigs, casinos and comedy clubs. She has been featured in Women’s Health Magazine, The Today Show, Uproxx, Cosmopolitan and Healthline. She truly believes laughter is the best medicine, but likes to cover her bases as a board-certified practicing physician in Internal Medicine too. She currently works as a full-time comedian and part time physician and is known for speaking out about flaws in our current healthcare system. Listen to The Citizen as he speaks with Dr. Wali on this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” entitled, “She’s Not Joking," r

As a famous Nobel Prize-winning civil rights prosecutor once wrote, sometimes it feels like you’re playing in the ghetto and it ain’t much fun, and the fun you have becomes work even though it’s world-class art. That’s because at many turns, and in many subway depots, the man wants to come stop you from telling the world what’s right and what’s wrong, and he’ll come knocking down the door with machine guns and German shepherds to make sure you understand. On this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” entitled, “Pink Molotovs," recorded October 12, 2016, The Citizen interviews graffiti pioneer and internationally renowned artist, Lady Pink, from an undisclosed location away from the center of town. Lady Pink keeps The Citizen on his toes and back on his heels – a hard act for a woman – by teaching the prodigal genius that art for a dollar ain’t art for art’s sake. And while Lady Pink eventually volunteers to sit on The Citizen’s therapy couch to discuss the loss of fun in her life, he realizes soon that no copay is

If you’ve never seen a ghost, sit in a parking lot outside a mall in the U.S. and look at your fellow Citizens walking around pretending they have problems. But after this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” entitled, "In Someone Elses's Brain," The Citizen is feeling like the problem is you. We sit and complain – standing around like furniture like Bob Dylan has said – and wonder why our lives are so terrible. Meanwhile the sick and the hungry and the old and the poor and the dead and dying in all of our grand wars lay there waiting. Tom Murray is a filmmaker, and his film about his brother, Chris, called “Dad’s in Heaven with Nixon,” is a must-see documentary, not because it’s about autism or art or success or life, but because it’s about a family’s love and sacrifice for someone, and a mother whose undying devotion to her son is an embarrassment to the rest of you sad saps. So listen as The Citizen cries like a girl, and remembers he ain’t giving up on his kids or any other. Look. Listen, you idiots, and wake

The Citizen is coming. The Citizen is coming. Jesus. Jesus. Give me a cigarette. That’s because on this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” The Citizen speaks loosely, honestly, and openly to your orgasmic delight (and his) with porn star and sex educator, Nina Hartley. It’s an hour of slap and tickle, bump and grind, love, lust and everything in between, entitled “The Rattle Of The Bulge." Remember, as The Citizen always tells you to do, take your top off, your pants, your panties, your jock strap, and your socks, and sit back and enjoy yourself, your private parts, and his special guest, Nina Hartley. Listen to them as they both do what they do best – pretend they don’t want to jump everyone’s bones. "The Rattle Of The Bulge" was recorded July 15, 2016. “I Am Citizen Abels” (www.iamcitizenabels.com) is an internet radio show starring David Abels, and a copyrighted production of Four Strong Media LLC (www.fourstrongmedia.com). You can follow The Citizen on his social media sites and listen to him on iTunes, St

In this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” entitled, “The Chicken Provides," The Citizen and guest Seth Goldman – The Citizen’s oldest friend (not agewise) discuss old times, old comedians, and old Jews, Manhattan, music, poetry, and politics, and engage in a comical banter not seen or heard since The Marx Brothers. Seth, a New York City cab driver for 35 years, who is now a born again poet and one of The Bards of Gridlock, speaks honestly and openly about chicken, sex, drugs, and the difficulty parking a cab in New York when you have to pee. The show was recorded November 15, 2015.   “I Am Citizen Abels” (www.iamcitizenabels.com) is an internet radio show starring David Abels, and a copyrighted production of Four Strong Media LLC (www.fourstrongmedia.com). You can follow The Citizen on his social media sites and listen to him on iTunes, Stitcher, Last.fm, YouTube, Vimeo, and other iPhone, Android, and Windows phone, desktop, and tablet podcast and media player apps. Just search and subscribe to “I Am Citizen A

Mark Barroso is an official pain-in-the-ass (that hyphenation was copy edited because of Mark’s insistence on AP style writing even when he’s talking about his pussycat taking a dump). The Citizen talks with Mr. Barroso on this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels," entitled "I Plead The First," about the two P’s – pussy(cats) and politics – even though the politics parts wind up about police misconduct (not that they’re aren’t bad members of the men in blue). The Citizen definitely crosses Mr. Barroso’s thin blue line and discusses his high jinks in Tampa, Florida when Mark was an investigative reporter with the ABC News affiliate, as well as topics like Cuban cigars, food, and male parts. Join the insanity and laugh your (pain-in-the-)ass off. Mr. Barroso was recorded in-studio on April 24, 2016. “I Am Citizen Abels” (www.iamcitizenabels.com) is an internet radio show starring David Abels, and a copyrighted production of Four Strong Media LLC (www.fourstrongmedia.com). You can follow The Citizen on his social me