Too Dumb For Games

From the MPD evidence locker: "This is a recording of the kidnapping of Jaccob Hearn, Nick Knaebel, Paul Saxon, and Travis Abshear, in the games dungeon of Henry Perkins. Mr. Perkins, a friend and one time guest of the podcast, Too Dumb for Games, is believed to have abducted and poisoned the hosts, recording them as he forced them to play childhood board games in a twisted episode of tabletop judgement." Happy Halloween everyone! Here is a recording we managed to salvage from our horrible Halloween in the clutches of a psychopath with a board game dungeon. Enjoy!  Thanks to sindhu.tms, club sound, and digifishmusic for making their hospital ambience, mic feedback, and radio static sound effects available under the Creative Commons License at freesound.org :]

Wherein we play Widow's Walk, the first ever expansion to the much loved Betrayal at House on the Hill! It's still pretty much one of the best games ever, but now with twice as much content. Our content is a couple teens and one really fast dude exploring a haunted house, only one of us turns out to be Hamlet?? This game's gotten a lot weirder.

Was that an Ayn Rand opening? That was an Ayn Rand opening. Welcome to Too Dumb for Games' second episode featuring Fantasy Flight's Mansions of Madness, with Paul, Jaccob, Nick, Travis, and Mansions of Madness 2.0! Fantasy Flight's gone and blasted board gaming into the future with a Mansions re-release that replaces you, the Keeper, with an app! Snazzy. Listen as 2d4g grapples with the unknowable once more, but with way more success. Thanks, computers!

In lieu of episode 19, which turned out like balls, just-Travis plays Tic Tac Toe, a two-player game invented by a people time forgot. It turned out slightly less like balls.

So delicious, so delicious, we're fragalicious, it's so delicious.  Oops, hello, welcome to 2d4g 18, where we play Frag by Steve Jackson Games, an allegedly fast paced action board game that emulates early PC arena shooters. It ain't great, but boy, does it take you back to a time of Unreal Engine 1, Word '98, and Albino Blacksheep. We think this sums it up pretty well: http://www.sjgames.com/frag/

There's zombies afoot in this episode of Too Dumb for Games! We're playing Plaid Hat Games' Dead of Winter: A Crossroads Game, which is all about trying to survive a bad winter in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. It's about as hard to do as it sounds like. Listen as we find a bunch of weirdos hiding in gas stations, libraries, and grocery stores, all while trying to feed a bunch of gross teens back at home base. 

Come get in line, and make sure the commissar doesn't see that extra ration of vodka in your coat pocket, cause it's time to play Queue! Listen in as our hosts try to check every item off their shopping lists in the desolate mercantile past of communist Poland

Here's the unfortunate conclusion into our unfortunate time playing Mansions of Madness! Listen to our cries of agony as the minds of Gloria Goldberg, Joe Diamond, and Michael McGlen encounter a proper Cthulhian conclusion. Check out part 1 if you haven't heard it yet, elsewise this episode wont' make a lick of sense. 

Welcome to part 1 of our first two part episode! We're playing Fantasy Flight's Mansions of Madness, a game that has done us wrong so many times over the years, yet we keep crawling back. We're going to roleplay our little hearts out this time, and maybe, just maybe, overcome all the Lovecrafty spooks and ghosties in this week's Too Dumb for Games. (Thanks to Kevin MacLeod for use of his Rynos Theme in this episode)!

This week we have on our first guest, our good friend Henry Perkins! We were planning on playing Mansions of Madness, but, under threat of violence, Henry made us play Hasbro's universally panned Clue reboot, Clue: Discover the Secrets. No one has a good time, this game usurps Cult Classic for worst ratings we've given yet, and our show has a new metric for awfulness!

Wherein Travis, Nick, and Jaccob play Tales of the Arabian Nights and travel back in time, then to the middle east, and then quantum leap into the bodies of Sinbad the Sailor, Ali Baba, Scheherazade, and, um, an Indiana Jones time traveling SS officer? Hey, also, heads up: we played around with our gear some more and FINALLY FIXED OUR VOLUME, but we might've overcorrected a little? Just sayin, probably don't start this one out at max volume, k?

This week, Jaccob, Travis, Paul, and Nick get right up in one of the greatest film franchises of all time: Fast and the Furious. That is correct, there is a Fast and the Furious board game. Why? Your guess is as good as ours, but wow is it fun. 

In this episode we play 2013's relatively-obscure Cult Classic, a Kickstarted card game by Addle Brain Games, which should probably update their name since it's been three years and this is still the only game they've made.   As a pantheon that includes a stated promise of dog armageddon, an assimilating mound of bug people, and a living, screaming shrike hell, we spend like an hour trying to convince bad caricatures that ours is the true religion, if not also that the world we've created is fucking horrifying.

In this episode we play Avalon Hill's cooperative horror exploration game, Betrayal at House on the Hill! Don't expect to hear anything scary in this episode though, because all you're going to hear is us gushing about how much we love this game for an hour. Seriously though, this game is great.  

This week we're back in corporate dystopia (sure is starting to feel like the pool of available settings for tabletop developers is awfully small, huh?) with Coup by Rikki Tahta! This time we play the corporate overlords and set out to crush not only the proletariat, but each other, and become the most powerful rich guys on Earth. Don't worry, dear listener, we'll still remember you once we've made it to the top. Promise.

In this, the most confusing episode, Jaccob, Travis, Paul, and Nick play Infiltration, turning into dystopian cyberpunk spies and attempting to steal corporate information before the cops show up.  It seems like this episode already went up, but it couldn't have, right?

In this, our most concise episode, Jaccob, Travis, Paul, and Nick play Infiltration from Fantasy Flight, turning into dystopian cyberpunk spies and attempting to steal secrets from a shady(?) corporation before the cops show up. Get ready to listen to a bunch of corporate espionage experts/slimy sexual deviants as they have a successful(??) operation. Do they make it out in time? You can probably guess the answer to that. 

The 2d4g boys are at it again in their 5th episode (I never thought they'd make it this far). This week they dive head first into a flask of oily snakes in the game Snake Oil. The boys will have to lie, charm, and bargain as they try to sell their worthless products to a chump dumb enough to buy them. 

Keeping with our intended format, we can't keep every joke we like in our podcast to keep time constraints intact and avoid rambling off-topic tangents.These are the outtakes from Cosmic Encounter, a game wherein a slime cowboy, with the help of his friends Space Witch, the Evangelist voice from Neverwinter Nights, and a robot pariah, learns that growing up isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Jaccob, Nick, Paul, and Travis play Paul's favorite game: Cosmic Encounter, in which the galaxy's fate is decided by who breaks the rules the hardest. Out of cosmic pagans, entropy-loathing androids, ooze cowboys and worshipers of the true Lord Jesus Christ (in space), only one race can dominate the vast expanse among the stars!  (it got pretty heated; we became worse friends after this one)