Limited Appeal

This week we find ourselves back on a Nature Walk when Warren asks if there is an Animal Kingdom equivalent to a strip club. This leads to the surprisingly contested revelation that most animals don't wear clothes, since that appears to be required for stripping, unless of course you include sheep that shear themselves. Those sexy sheep are asking for it! Then T-bone points out that dogs with coats are really just accentuating their nude bottom halves. Disturbing, eh? It's even more disturbing when you realize that their owners are responsible for this emphasis of the genitals. Finally, Luc presents a little natural history that is promptly and predictably distorted. Do you think peacocks are more likely to attend a brothel or a strip club? Let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We open with lots of dramatic music to emphasize the exciting nature of this episode. We return to the Superhero's Phone Booth to discuss a Romanian superhero: Pumaman! Don't be terrified, because Pumaman only uses his Puma-abilities, death-feigning skills, and confusing nomenclature for non-evil purposes. Does this guy remind you of Manimal? Us too. It might even have been the same show. Then we learn that there are lots of words for pumas. How many can you come up with? Finally, Warren reveals the weakness in Pumaman's death feigning ability, which is a total lack of control over when it happens and how long it lasts. If you can think of any way that fainting would be effective against shit-throwing gorillas or other villains, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

The image for T-bone's Skype profile gets us talking about boobs and defensive eye position (except in water, which is a totally different ball park, of course). For those of you who didn't know the relationship between boobs and predation, you're welcome. In Foody Goody, we present part 3 of round 2 of What Am I Eating (Liquid Edition). See if you can guess what Warren is drinking (and to whom) based on very few audio clues! If you don't care, that probably reflects a healthy perspective on what is important, and what is ridiculously pointless. Assuming you can be bothered, feel free to email us to express your indifference (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Warren kicks off the week by announcing his upcoming trip to Florida, which initiates a brainstorming session in which we try to avoid copyright infringement regarding the behaviour of drunken women at spring break and their boobs. Then in Pooh Corner, Luc asks what the world should do to compensate for the mistreatment of homosexuals during the holocaust. Says, our suggestion is likely to offend almost everyone, even though, contrary to Warren's first impression, we're NOT suggesting the rounding-up of anyone. The result really would be like Cape Cod, but with show tunes! If you want to support our idea, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

This evening, we bring you some tomato-flavoured muffcake. Warren uses the Rotten Tomatoes scale to determine the "best" song in the world, or at least the song that the most people did not find objectionable. But John quickly fucks up Warren's candidate. Is this a good way to categorize things? Tell us whether you think the rotten tomatoes scale is objectionable or not by giving it a thumbs up or down, and sending it to our email address (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). In Foody Goody, we decide what the difference is between a muffin and a cupcake. This turns out to be a very touchy subject, mainly because John is a testy bitch. Nevertheless, we finally agree on the difference. Listen to hear about our long-awaited solution to this important problem! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

This week's superhero's phone booth is filled with a sultry girl gorilla. Would it even get to the point where she gets shit thrown at her? Turns out she's got large breasts. Does that change anything? A swollen ass? A G-string? No? Well, then you and Warren don't share tastes in sultry gorillas. Next, Warren insists we all know the song by ZZ Top, She's Got Legs. What is the feminine version of the line, "She's got legs, she knows how to use them"? I'm sure you have better ideas than we do. Let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

In this week's Polish the Bishop segment, Warren asks us to change an existing euphemism so that it refers to something less offensive than it currently does. He probably wants to avoid having to think about the horrific behaviour involved in the current definition, but ironically, he just succeeds in burning some imagery into the rest of us (and you too, if you dare to listen). Fucker. What is the preferred way to serve chopped up penises? Send your recipes by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Then T-bone suggests that the chili dog is mainly for people who have sex with their enemies. Luc realizes (far too late) that the segment has gone terribly wrong. You'll probably agree whether or not you manage to listen to the whole episode. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We launch this week with an especially exasperating version of a Name 5 Things/Foody Goody crossover, in which Warren asks us to name 5 animals other than a pig from which one can obtain bacon, given that the definition of bacon is "a side of a pig, cured and smoked". Doesn't that sound riveting? Well maybe not, but I haven't even started to describe the undiscovered (until now) linguistic and anatomical problems involved in this. Be prepared, as we loosen a few definitions, among other things. If you know whether turkey fat is healthy or not, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We begin this episode by discovering how hard it is to replace every single "u" in any word with "me". It's trme, even if it is infmeriating. Then we ask why Sm-me-rfs are bl-me. OK, fuck it, we ask why Smurfs are blue (perhaps for the second time). Is their singing just a cover for village wide depression, or are they not getting enough oxygen? And is their size related to the presence of lungs? This topic gets Luc angry about insect-related liberties taken by Hollywood over the years, including the male-ness of the protagonist in Seinfeld's Bee Movie. Warren decides this issue requires us to deliver another ultimatum, which is as pointless as ever. If, in your standing as a spokesbee, you wish to clarify your shoe-wearing status, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Even more goody foody! Luc hosts this segment in our continuation of "What am I eating: liquid edition." He produces some weird sounds that may or may not come from his pants. In the course of the guessing, we discuss the Hartford Whalers, the marriage of Dave Simonot way back when, and whether being a sex slave depends on whether you enjoy it. We also provide some useful advice for life, including: "Just sit there and take it!", which is good advice for working your way through a drink with a bead-filled straw, or for listening to an episode of Limited Appeal, for that matter. If you work for Nestle and want to buy us headsets in appreciation for plugging your products, contact us via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Our mail sack has been punched once again, but this time we asked for it. Warren had submitted our feed to the website Culture.ca, who (wisely) rejected our application to be listed. The reason they gave us was that we "use an abundance of coarse language. For the moment we are not able to inform our users on this, yakkety, yakkety, blah, blah". Fuckers! We're waiting for the moment that technology is invented, so the public from Culture.ca can finally overcome their antipathy towards human tails. If you have any ideas for content we could include in a special podcast just for culture.ca, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mmmmm, foody goody! Warren asks what other types of ketchup there are other than tomato. That of course necessitates us defining the ketchup continuum, and describing the controversial difference between ketchup and marmalade. Listen and discover if you agree! You may also want to imagine a visit to our backwards delivery restaurant, which may or may not mean exactly what you think it does. Then, after a quick stop by wikipedia, we discover that our ridiculus ketchup ideas were tame by the standards of the Middle Ages back in the 40's. Do you have crazy ketchup experiences to relate to us? Let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Good morning friends! This week we discuss the ribald adventures of Timmy, the Energy Bear. He's got all kinds of good qualities, provided you like a few extras photons and don't have a pacemaker, a defibrillator, or battery-operated implants. Predictably, the idea of battery operated breast implants gets T-bone rather excited, and for some reason he starts imagining all kinds of ass-related operating procedures for them. You'll have to listen to hear his reasoning. What kind of controls would you like for your boobs? Let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

In this episode we inaugurate a new segment, called "Who the fuck cares?" John predicts his perpetual answer, but by the end of the segment he has completely changed his mind. In the first edition, Warren derides musical theatre, mainly because of the continual singing. He also ruins Phantom of the Opera for T-Bone by revealing (SPOILER ALERT!!) that it is stupid. Finally, John tries to reach out (or is it around?) to Warren by agreeing that show tunes outside the context of musicals are gay. If you care to suggest a topic that we might care or not care about, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Welcome to season 3! (3) We are at least as surprised as you are that our podcast has, to date, featured such an unlimited number of ridiculous topics and equally ridiculous perspectives on them. We'll be equally surprised if the 10,000th download gets anything in the mail. Meh. We start our third season with Round 2 of "What Am I Eating?": Liquid Edition. Just as in Round 1, each of us will eat something (er, drink something) and the others need to guess what is being drunk, and to whom. Why, you ask? Good point. Anyway, our guesswork is a bizarrely satisfying exercise if you like pointless reacharound-directed contests. If you do, stay tuned for the continuation of our contest in a future episode. If not, hopefully you like a bit of disappointment. Send us your responses by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

In this last episode of season 2, we feature our attempt to name five "bad bathroom things" to put in your mouth, not including bathroom cleaning products. Harder than you think, in part because of the restrictions Warren imposes on the segment, but especially because the discussion comes off the rails with a digression on toilet brush manufacture. Hard to believe a topic centered around all kinds of horrible things that could be in a bathroom would get us on a tangent. If you're as surprised as we are, express yourself via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Tune in next week for the beginning of a brand new season and our 100th episode. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Pour yourself a drink and get ready for this morning's episode. We start by promoting sandwich meat awareness in this week's Foody Goody. Warren wants a single term to describe a pre-sliced unit of lunchmeat. He has a lot of time on his hands. And so do we, I guess. In fact, you're listening to this crap, so YOU have a lot of time on your hands, too! Congratulations. Anyway, since you apparently have tons of free time, you might want to listen to last week's episode, "Meat mountain of badness" to make sense of some of this conversation. It won't make a lot of sense, but perhaps some. Anyway, all of this talk of edible animal trimmings leads Warren to ask about Haggis, on which Luc is not really an expert. If you would like to develop our idea for specialty haggises for nicotine addicts, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

You may wish to follow Warren's lead and try to eject early. As it turns out, all kinds of crazy shit happens at Warren's workplace, especially in the elevator. Now, now, don't get any perverse ideas. Those things may happen, but Warren apparently finds them to be perfectly normal compared to the questions he fields from strangers and the pubes he finds on his soap. If you have suggestions for how Warren should have responded to the elevator interview, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). We somehow segue into a discussion of dentists, their names, and their boobs, and we close with T-bone's first rule of reflexology. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Warren begins this week's episode with a complaint about the Snuggle Bear, spokes-animal for Snuggle Fabric softener. Either he's a real dick, or Warren has a low threshold for assholeishness. Anyway, we spend some time poking holes in the logic behind the ad campaign, and T-bone wonders if the Snuggle Bear is a pervert. What kind of guy uses fabric softener? We actually don't know. What happens if you don't use any form of fabric softener? Does that make your clothes sharp and glasslike? Then in a Nature Walk Luc suggests that it's a good thing women can't store sperm like insects, and T-bone learns why insemination in insects is like a video game. If you can store or sort sperm in your cheeks or anywhere else, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

The intro might make more sense if it came at the end of the episode. But then it wouldn't be an intro, I guess. Anyway, you'll figure out if you can be bothered. And if not, never mind, because we'll distract you by discussing the feats of a Nova Scotian mythical hero. If you think you know why Glooscap is famous, you're probably wrong. Then in Dictionary Plus Warren asks where the phrase "tit for tat" comes from. This leads us to address the long-unanswered question: what do a baloney sandwich and a hamster have in common? Survey your friends and see if anyone can come up with a better solution. If you find one, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.