Don't Do It Yourself

Look, I'm not going to lie to you. This one is dirty. We don't normally don't make this many dick jokes, or talk about where condoms go when they die, or make up drinks from a bartender bible called "Play with your Cocktail", or come up with horrifying scenarios where Chris Hansen gives away his progeny to catch a predator. Or Chris Matthews. Promise. But in between that we tell you how to be the rebel at your school, how to make the dream friend you've always wanted, and what to do when you lose your child in the woods. I'll give you a hint: it involves Chris Hansen. But we call him Chris Matthews.